They Probably Don’t Eat Brunch In Libya

I don’t understand brunch. Why would I want to wait in line for a meal when I could have just eaten breakfast, without waiting, an hour earlier for half the price? Brunch does have some benefits over breakfast, though. You can drink copious amounts of alcohol early in the day without any societal blowback. Sure, it’s a loophole for a rule that probably shouldn’t exist in the first place, but a loophole none the less. I don’t normally like mimosas, so I usually opt for the Bloody Mary. These are the two most acceptable alcoholic beverages to have before noon for some reason. I think it has something to do with their resemblance to breakfast juices. I’m going to test that theory and ask someone to crack an egg into a glass of beer the next time I’m invited out to brunch.

It’s also a much fancier meal than breakfast. I rarely talk about how good my breakfast is. Even if it’s the most delicious thing in the world, I won’t comment on it. Breakfast’s job is to get into my face, down my throat, and give me several hours of energy in a cost effective manner. If it shows up on a plate, the presentation isn’t an issue unless it’s formatted into a smiley face or Mickey Mouse. Brunch is an entirely different and much more serious animal. It’s garnished and brought out with all kinds of dustings and drizzled sauces. The next time you’re at a brunch spot take a look around. How many people are taking photographs of their food? The answer will always be way too many.

It just isn’t the same as other meals. I once heard someone standing in a long brunch line say “this is ridiculous” and I realized how different their life was from mine. I had recently seen a person pooping on the subway and that was the closest thing to ridiculous I had experienced that weekend… and I still just sort of tried to rationalize it. I figured they were probably running out of options and time. The people that go to brunch all the time are a little different from the people who do not. If you “do brunch” a lot, things are probably going alright for you. I bet they don’t have brunch in Liberia or the Congo. Brunch means that you caroused all night on Saturday and didn’t get up in time for breakfast. Brunch means you took it easy all morning and are probably going to spend the rest of that day taking it even easier.

I’m starting to become convinced that rich countries have an issue with fetishizing food. This is the second time I’ve felt compelled to comment on it.

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43 Responses to They Probably Don’t Eat Brunch In Libya

  1. nalacritter28 says:

    Ive never given brunch much thought but this is SO TRUE. And it cracked me up. Although I will admit that alcohol with eggs is a fantastic invention yum :) what a pointless meal though!

    • Posky says:

      Maybe not pointless but I would say a occasionally over the top. I’ve never walked away from brunch thinking, “I’m glad I drank a lot.”

      • Also a good point. Probably because after brunch there’s still most of the day left and being hungover at 3pm wasn’t ever that fun, even in college.

  2. Smaktakula says:

    Indeed, brunch is a first-world meal. So is AM/PM’s ‘Lunner.’

  3. I was just beginning to crave some eggs Benny & a bloody mary until you made the poop comment.

  4. I love brunch. You’re weird. Breakfast foods, done more creatively than just slapping eggs on toast AND available at any time you can be bothered rolling out of bed?! Perfect. There is no brunch here in Korea and it sucks.
    Oh and I had a German brunch once, consisting of sausage, a warm bready pretzel and a pint of beer – maybe that’s more your style…

  5. I’m so glad you’ve poo pooed the whole Brunch gig. Emigrating to an Australian, ‘cosmopolitan city’, (and I use that in the broadest stretch of the words) gave us TWO extra opportunities to load up on unnecessary calories: the Morning, AND, Afternoon Tea. Quaint aint it? When entering Queensland please turn your watch back 50 years. It was pretty darn good whilst we were newly arrived and still in ‘holiday’ mode, but the pounds stacked on and last year I had to resort to a marathon and a brunch/tea-fest ban to get them off again. I’ve recently discovered Up & Go liquid breakfasts so I may never have to brunch ever again – unless someone puts me right off it by pooping on public transport.

    • Posky says:

      I assure that, eventually, someone will.

      As for the food intake, I think it’s alright to have an extravagant meal once in a while but a lot of these people are putting this into their weekly food rotations. Had a friend from the UK that I actually had afternoon tea with there is no way I’d be able to make that a normal routine.

      I normally just skip it altogether but what constitutes a liquid breakfast? Just coffee?

  6. OR, you work late nights and when your family wants to “bond” on the weekend, you settle for brunch instead of breakfast because punching someone in the face for a snarky comment at 8 am would not be appropriate… ahem.

  7. Rudi says:

    I like cooking breakfast foods more than any other, so I dig brunch, though I almost never have it. I think Brunch is a “thing” because it symbolizes the luxury of enjoying something which is nearly always perfunctory, but SHOULD be the most glorious food experience of the day. Don’t let rich, privileged people ruin wonderful things for you. Also, enjoy alcohol whenever you trust that it will bring you more enjoyment than fatigue.

    • Posky says:

      I always do.

      This has also inspired me to cook at home more. Maybe my problem with brunch is a lack of control and involvement.

  8. Byron says:

    . I didn’t even know you could drink during brunch – - this changes everything! I always thought those “Brunch Bunch” people were a little to effete for my tastes, but now I relish the chance to show up to their restaurants and drink many beers from many cans, forgoing brunch all together and making somewhat of a scene.

    • Posky says:

      I think it depends on the place. I have found establishments in Chicago, New York and LA that offer unlimited cocktails for brunch (usually Bloody Mary and mimosas) for a flat fee. I don’t know of any places in Detroit, or Michigan as a whole, that highlight the drinking aspect of brunch. However, I am betting that there are places in Royal Oak and Bloomfield Hills.

  9. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    So true! There’s no such thing as brunch in Colombia. When someone invited me to “brunch” for the first time after I moved to Canada, I was dumbfounded. Didn’t even know what to say. What if they were inviting me to a rave party or something? I think it must’ve shown on my face cause they proceeded to explain the concept of brunch. Then it took me a little while longer for my brain to make the connection. Breakfast + Lunch = Brunch

  10. This made me laugh out loud. So funny . . . I think that I actually have had a raw egg in a beer for lunch. On purpose. And paid money for it!

  11. prenin says:

    Sounds like an expensive meal to prop up another business selling what we don’t need for exorbitant prices!!! :(

    Breakfast here I come!!! :P

    God Bless!

    Prenin.

  12. J.R.Barker says:

    i think i’ll stick to lunch and avoid brunch altogether. Although technically I eat brunch most days because I work weird hours. But I avoid garnish, alcohol and taking photos of said food.

    • Posky says:

      To me, it isn’t brunch without the adornments and pageantry. Maybe you’re just having an early breakfast or skipping breakfast for a late lunch.

      • J.R.Barker says:

        That is the definition of brunch. Mine is just not as fancy as some have it.
        I don’t think I could stomach egg and ale, although I could quite happily give the rest a go.

  13. Had a brunch in 3 red light town in Oregon, Klymouth Falls. At the hotel they had meat loaf, fried chicken , string beans and mashed potatoes. Now here’s the kicker – 6 different flavors of jello ! They thought they were in heaven. Not exactly the Biltmore here in Miami or Bayside. They don’t have corn flakes here for brunch.

  14. subWOW says:

    Indeed. I can’t wait for you to have the egged beer! Next time when I’m at a brunch, I will be thinking of you and feeling guilty about the whole thing. But only until I’ve had my 3rd bloody Mary…

  15. Raw. Egg. Beer. Me. Green.

    • Posky says:

      There is actually a cocktail called a “red eye” that is supposed to be a hangover cure. It’s basically just a beer with some tomato juice and an egg cracked into it.

      I’d prefer a prairie oyster myself. I actually sort of like them.

      • Wow you people. I am curious of your alcoholicism. I’m afraid I have to stick to orange juice, milk shake, and green tea until America could invent a cocktail without alcohol or until I lose the hypersensitivity. Still, no “you won’t know until you try” claim would make me dive for the raw egg infected beer.

      • Posky says:

        Our alcoholism? I assure you neither of the drinks I mentioned are even remotely close to popular.

        There are plenty of cocktails without alcohol though. The prairie oyster contains no alcohol and we have things like club soda and virgin daiquiris. There is even beer without alcohol.

      • Seriously? Why, thanks! I’d start sipping those and see if I don’t get a measles-like rash. I’m retarded when it comes to drinks but I am very, very curious. Some would call it peer pressure. Right. And an oyster cocktail? Sounds very much like chicken ice cream.

  16. Spectra says:

    I, for one, love Brunch, and am sorry I fell downward out of that class of persons who can easily afford to devour a smorgasbord of delightful foods, pallettes doused in orangy champagne or tomato-ey vodka juice late mornng to mid day.

    What’s not to love about a spread of fruits, eggs, meats breads and pastries on a sultry slow Sunday morning? And don’t forget the melons. They always have sliced melons. yeah, baby…

  17. AkephalonMuse says:

    I can honestly say that I’ve never had an actual brunch. It always seemed to me just what you called it when you needed to eat, but had missed breakfast and it was too early for lunch.

    I can relate to the food!tographers, though, seeing as I am one—I like to cook, and it’s part of my process to cover every step. And if the dish happens to turn out gorgeous, I’m going to take a picture of it.

    There’s even a site dedicated to this. Food Porn Daily, anyone?

  18. If I roll up a piece of bacon and use it as a straw to drink my Guinness, does that make it brunch?

    I’m pretty certain it does.

  19. nycanna says:

    Everything I have ever thought about brunch but never said. Yet I “do brunch” practically every Saturday. Sigh, culture. But since you said one who does brunch regularly is probably doing alright, I find a bit of satisfaction within it. Should I? Who knows.

    Despite going to brunch once a week, I have a big problem with it: There are like five things on the menu full of garnishes and stuff I never heard of and it’s all much more expensive than it would be before 10AM and after 4PM.

    I have spoken.

  20. I used to brunch a lot but then I started substituting fancy brunch for the local diner. Cheaper way to start my Sunday. I’m also less likely to be blitzed by 3 if I avoid brunch and the inevitable bloody mary bar.

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