Falsus Corpus: Thoughts About Women’s Stupid Bodies

In prehistoric times the thing that made a woman the most desirable to the rest of her pack was having both arms. Things like sharp teeth and having no diseases were just perks back then. If you were some archaic human female spending her days trying to pull all the skin off a mammoth carcass, had most of your teeth, functional reproductive organs, and could start a fire without help, then you were probably the sexiest woman on the planet. Every man in your tribe would show up in front of your cave with a cup of dinosaur milk and a sharpened rock in the hopes that it might be enough to gain your favor.

Fast forward into modernity and the dinosaur milk has dried up. Everyone is arguing about body shape and what not to wear. There are campaigns endorsing fatness and abhorring skinniness where people make outrageous claims like “Real Women Have Curves.” I’m going to let you and the rest of society in on a secret, real women have vaginas. In fact, that is the number one prerequisite in being considered a person of the female persuasion. It’s not the shape of your hips or the size of your rump, it’s the fact that I can’t find a penis anywhere on your body.

REALwomen

If you’d like to have the discussion on what’s attractive, however, that can be arranged. I’m not an expert on women’s fashion or style but I am a man that has scowled at a lot of magazine articles and television shows on those topics. I am also a person that has been sexually attracted to women for a while and have come to a few conclusions. All of this time spent teeth whitening, eyelash extending, hair relaxing, ass bleaching, and skin softening doesn’t need the additional pressure of thin and fat people arguing about who is “truly beautiful.” Chances are that everyone probably already feels uglier than they want to be while most other people feel they look absolutely fine.

When I’m walking down the street, I don’t take my time to analyze how each individual person could look better. That would would be the saddest and craziest way an individual could spend their time, so I will leave it to all of the people working in the fashion industry. For me, it takes a verbal interaction or a minimum of thirty-seconds of similarly occupied space before I bother to analyze someone’s appearance. When I first look at a woman my only goal is to assess the initial feeling I get from them. Do they seem healthy? Does their unique style appeal to me? Are they making vaguely human faces in response to things said? What’s their voice like? Truth be told, I actually do this with both genders despite my sexual orientation. Basically, I am taking a mental snapshot to file away for later use. As long as I didn’t file them under “impossible to look at without laughing or cringing” I’ll probably be willing to interact with them again.

Honestly, taking the time to judge someone’s physical appearance is sort of pointless anyway. Almost any dog of a woman can look good if makeup is applied correctly. After dating beauty-conscious women for a while you start to realize that “putting on their face” is not a misnomer. Some women don’t even look like the same person without makeup. While I love red lips and 80s blush, I am aware that real people don’t look like that naturally. Frankly, I’m much more interested in a woman’s scent and chemical makeup than I am in her looks. If she is funny, interesting, intelligent, and a little weird, that smell is going to seal the deal.

As for body shape, everyone has a preference and nobody’s preference is the same. Whatever body type you currently are, just be a healthier version. Other than that, you can ignore whatever social and media pressures are out there. Imagine, for a moment, any celebrity (male or female) and how the media would react if they gained weight, lost weight, appeared in public without makeup, or acted human at all. You probably don’t have to because you already have dozens of cruel examples queued up in your head. You know that you’re damned either way. Thin women don’t need to “eat something, girl” unless they are suffering from anorexia. Likewise, someone who is a few pounds overweight already probably knows it and isn’t in any extreme danger.

While we are on the topic of women’s bodies, I would also like to see a lot less confusing anger coming from people who are getting compliments. The she-was-asking-for-it argument should never ever work in cases of truly disrespectful behavior. However, when a person compliments you on an outfit custom-picked to get a response, you forfeit the justification to berate them publicly. There is a big difference between wearing a nice dress and having ten construction workers tell you they want to suck your fingers and wearing a provocative outfit and having one co-worker tell you that you looked nice today. One of those events deserves some serious online venting, while the other does not.

Possibly the strangest example I’ve seen lately was an article documenting “the creepiest things” said to women while cosplaying. While many of the examples were extremely forward and utterly tasteless, many were pretty tame and kind of sad:

 “Can I take my shirt off in the picture with you?”

“Are you married?”

“I can’t believe I’m really meeting you.”

Keep in mind that the majority of these women are dressed in outfits identical to the costumes worn by characters that have served as a sexual fantasy for millions of socially awkward males for decades. While that doesn’t forgive creepy behavior, it might help explain it. Imagine being sexually attracted to Batgirl for the last twenty years. Now imagine that every girl you’ve ever liked has snubbed you and you suddenly arrive at a place where Batgirl is everywhere you look and letting other gentlemen take photos with her. You had better believe that in your lifetime of being inept at talking to women, things aren’t about to change now. In fact, the added pressure of a particular Batgirl showing bare legs and midriff (despite that never happening in the comics), you might even say what you are thinking. And that thing might be “I can’t believe I’m meeting you” or it might be “I want to keep you tied up in my basement.” The point is, someone is going to complain about it either way.
Footjerks

There is a weird double standard in society that needs women to look sexy and to ensure that nobody ever addresses it. It expects them to be perpetually young and tells them that they need to be curvaceous if they are thin, slim if they are voluptuous, white if they are black, tan if they are pale, sultry if they are reserved, prudish if they are alluring, and a million of other ridiculous contradictions. While this probably helps sell a lot of beauty products, it might not be particularly helpful for anyone’s mental health. Two-hundred pound skinny black girls with porcelain skin that dress like librarian hookers can’t possibly exist. Most men don’t want women to be subjected to this and all they are really looking for is a healthy looking best friend that is willing to sleep with them.

It’s honestly sort of strange how much time we spend talking about women’s bodies. We know they have infinitely more to offer and we’re well beyond the point in society where it makes sense to objectify anyone. In the United States, young women are on the verge of setting themselves up as the dominant gender of tomorrow. Single ladies under thirty are, on average, better educated and getting higher paying jobs than their male counterparts. So why do we waste time on obsessing over weight and making stupid assumptions about which age is the most desirable? Why do we attempt to draw extra attention to our bodies and then complain when we finally get it? Why do we waste a bunch of money on clothes that we’ll wear once or twice and makeup that hides our real faces? What a bunch of petty and boring creatures we must be.

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249 Responses to Falsus Corpus: Thoughts About Women’s Stupid Bodies

  1. Byron says:

    It’s funny that every man I’ve ever talked to (including myself), only have the very basic and rudimentary of requirements for attraction;

    1) is she healthy?
    2) will she have sex with me?
    3) can we carry on a conversation when we are not sexing?
    4) will she have sex with me?

    To be honest, I dont know where all this other shit comes from, for sure. I do know that other women tend to be one of the sources of their own torment when it comes to prudishness and body image, but that is one source among many. What type of man shames a woman with body image issues? Really?

    “You know, bro…I mean, I’m totally into chicks and everything but she has to be wearing, AT LEAST, Manolo Blahnik shoes.”

    Who is that guy?

    I’m just as confused as you are.

    • It’s good to know I’m not alone.

      Also I laughed out some water when I read the “Manolo Blahnik shoes.”

    • My neighbor talks on his cell phone loudly while out on his balcony, and I actually heard him say the words, “I mean, she was was wearing Old Navy jeans. Come on bro, that’s lame. She needed to step her game up.” They do exist.

    • Stacey Kay says:

      So you want a woman to be your sexual object and yet you get mad when she manufactures herself to be that sexual object.

      If you are confused I recommend typing in “feminism” to your wordpress reader and taking a few hours to read some of the stuff on there.

      • The Ziggurat says:

        Personally, I want a sex object. And I want to be a sex object to my partner. I don’t spend an hour each morning working out, and I don’t spend money on nice clothing just to be another forgettable man on the street. Or, to be ignored. And I want my partner, man or woman, to feel the same way about themselves and about me. We need each other, for partnership, friendship, and to have dance parties to “Sex Objekt” by Kraftwerk and then have sex afterward. It’s probably because I was molested as a boy that I feel this way.

      • Emily says:

        Haha. Well said.

      • Byron says:

        Stacy, we speak different languages. Please take no offense, my point is that I don’t know what type of man judges a woman by what she’s wearing. A woman can make sweats and a ratty T-shirt look awesome.

      • mytrueshurts says:

        Dear Stacey: Life is about sex. The human race move forward because sex. Men went to wars for sex. So,that is why we see beautifully women called sexual objects living so well beside very rich men. Read the Play Boy magazine,and the biography. Don’t get mad. Get glad.

    • originalwomanempowerment says:

      lol.. that made me smile and blessed to have my husband

      • helenjain21 says:

        Same here! I couldn’t help laughing, but it made me thankful for my husband.

      • Byron says:

        If you have someone in your life that appreciates the “real/basic” you and loves you more for it, then you are blessed. I’m sure he’s lucky to have you too!

    • timbermann says:

      “To be honest, I dont know where all this other shit comes from,”
      propaganda.

      • Byron says:

        Propaganda, sure, but the Arm Chair Detective in me always asks “There must be a deeper issue here/what’s really going on?”

        It might just be paranoia though.

    • mytrueshurts says:

      Well if I don’t get wrongs Bible said God create women to men have lots of sex and reprocreating, besides at the beginning of the creation there were not radio,televisions neither consumers societies, neither capitalism nor religion, so sex and more sex was the rule. Like the way roosters and hens can be living in a open farms. So times changes the way humans behave and living. Today sex and $$ economics walk together and sex from mostly women side have became a commodities. To “hunt”a very good looking and sexy horny female, men needs a very big Bank account, not matters how the man looks or his age. The more the wealth a man have the more beautifully females women willingly will be ready to open their arms and legs to said rich man. So don’t worry, try to get few oils Wells and you will not need to said a single word to the female lady you dream for. Remember that in the paradise create for God men and women was walking naked and without make ups. Everything was about the way the other smelling: like the dogs. Hahaha.

  2. gingerjudgesyou says:

    I always kind of liked it when construction workers catcalled me. It’s a compliment!

    • I guess it depends on what they’re saying. I’ve heard them say some pretty sick stuff before.

      It’s not all, “You’re an attractive person but I’m going to respect your boundaries and hope you have a nice day today!”

      • Honestly, as a moderately attractive female, I’ve found that blue collar guys are far more respectful than the ‘suits’. Sure, you get those occasional asshats that say something ridiculous on either side, but if we’re gonna generalize, this is my take on it. :p

        I currently work in a factory, and during company functions where I’ve dressed up a bit more (meaning a dress rather than my typical jeans, steel-toed boots, and a t-shirt), the ones who have consistently been polite and not crossed any boundaries have been the machinists. The guys from the office have been the ones to say wholly inappropriate things. This has pretty much been how it’s been since I started working – always had more issues in an office environment.

  3. There’s this line I read somewhere, ‘women dress for other women, so we usually dress like we hate our bodies’. The point was, why drive yourself crazy? You’re a woman. Look like a woman. Which for me, thanks to PCOS (TMI, I know), means mustache and all.

  4. Janie Doh says:

    I would LOVE for construction workers to catcall me. And you are right, judging and criticizing other people is the worst waste of time, and just kind of makes you mean. Also, you are a wonderful writer!

  5. theskunkalex says:

    I just made a post like this a couple of days ago! Coming from a pretty skinny girl, I personally think it’s silly and annoying when women constantly go on and on about how “real women have curves” and things pertaining to that nature.
    By the way, I love your blog! It’s my favourite on WordPress!

  6. samara says:

    Janie up there is a freak, so don’t mind her.

    I don’t believe you’re allowed to use the word “vagina” while blogging. However, I have mastered the art of dressing like a librarian hooker, so there’s that.

    Hilarious, as usual.

  7. Dude, a ‘healthy looking best friend that’s willing to sleep with me’, would be amazing. I’d even throw in backrubs, gourmet cooked dinners, and the ability to occasionally make her smile, if only she came packaged with the ability to ignore societal standards.
    Little girls are given dolls, “here, now a baby of your own to take care of…” while we just blow shit up with our ninja turtle pizza launchers. They get polly pocket makeup kits, while we ride dirt bikes. It seems that society has emphasized superficial values with little women, and intrinsic values with young men — and that’s just plain stupid… Ladies, I’m single. Applicants simply must come with a mind of their own, and opinions forged of their own experiences.

    • I didn’t even begin to consider how far back in development this all stems from. That’s kind of sickening to think about.

      Also that’s probably the best dating criteria I have ever heard.

      • devcoffee says:

        I’m a 90’s girl. I had make up toys as a toddler; they give you plastic ones that just look like lipstick and other items. I had high heeled boots by the 4th grade and board games where you shopped at the mall, heard gossip on a telephone, and another one where you would unlock “princess jewelry.” They force it on us early and it’s really difficult to break the pressure even when you like yourself and how you look.

      • I would definitely have to agree. A man who cares about the things that in all honesty truely matters. Because heavy set, skinny, or a little inbetween can make a person laugh. Shoot I walked into a glass door at the mall, and that sure had me and everyone who saw laugh.

      • … so I make an allusion to my gripe with superficiality, and you extrapolate that to determine an allegory between looks and dating preference? Picking people based on looks alone, as tinder makes you do, is akin to picking a breakfast cereal based on color. But, hey… thanks anyways.

    • samara says:

      You used allegory, allusion, and extrapolate. In one comment.
      How are you still single?

  8. bernquist says:

    Really enjoyed the use of dinosaur milk! Yes, way too much brown emphasis on appearance; it’s sickening. Perhaps we should delve into this deeper, maybe conduct an experiment in which say a hundred or maybe a thousand willing participants are isolated from all media influence and made to wear identical wool suits (pants, cape, ascot, etc.) for a month or so…hell, why not six months. A full examination could be conducted upon terminus of the allotted time to assess changes in perception of appearance and importance thereof. Just an idea. Not sure who would fund this…

  9. Zack says:

    I’m going to have to change what I’m looking for on OKCupid to “A healthy-looking best friend who is willing to sleep with me.” That basically sums it up.

  10. I just want a guy who will accept that no matter how much I love him, I’ll never bleach my ass for him. I’d like to think that he’d enjoy looking at my face much more than my butthole. A girl can dream.

    This is incredible, and I’m going to nominate it for FP.

  11. prenin says:

    I found it amusing how women dress up to attract attention, then bitch when they get it! :)

    When I treat them as human beings they get insulted and question my sexuality – I guess you can’t win… :(

    God Bless! :)

    Prenin.

  12. Ass bleaching? And what is cosplaying? Am I finally old? I knew this day would come.

    This is all very high-minded and admirable but I think our obsession with weight and makeup and appearance is primal and driven by biology. It’s part of our DNA. It’s always been this way and it always will be.

  13. Reblogged this on The Forgetful Genius and commented:
    Love this

    • tialys says:

      No. Really? I was going to ask what it was, now somebody else has and I wish I had been able to live the remainder of my life without knowing. I’m not going anywhere near that wikipedia article.

  14. Loved your post. Have been the victim of “I-want-you-to-be-my-arm-candy-so-lose-oodles-of-weight-and-wear-tight-skinny-clothes-and-loads-of-makeup” relationship. Just made me ill, and he wasn’t worth it. (Best bit was he didn’t know what he had until I left Ha!) Now happy with Hubby and he loves ME, not the package that I come in (varying shapes and sizes over the years). I have loads of good qualities in his eyes though: nice eyes, a big heart, can cook, to name just a few.

  15. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    No. Still can’t fathom why women would welcome men yelling at them from a distance. That’s objectifying pure and simple. It’s not a compliment. It saddens me that some women still think it is. That’s what tells me that we women are still our own worst enemies. As far as compliments from men at work, well, IF it makes a women uncomfortable, she should tell him that. It’s not a given that, even from a friendly coworker, the behavior is acceptable and appreciated. It’s possible that it’s a matter of timing and context. If the coworker says it in a meeting with others, then it’s absolutely unacceptable. At lunch with him and some other friends, possibly more okay. You write a thoughtful post, I really liked it, but you left out the massive pressure marketing and Hollywood does to prey on women’s weakest attitudes–that being young and pretty and thin is the holy grail. As far as Prenin’s disrespectful comment, not all women dress up to attract attention – stop making assumptions based on your narrow perspective.

  16. Lauren Kells says:

    It DOES get boring talking about women’s bodies. The period around new year’s is especially tough. Seems like we could all be engaging in more meaningful conversations about what it means to be human rather than focusing on boobs and butts.

  17. emisformaker says:

    I think you can buy into this stuff or not, but what’s most important is the ability to recognize that it is a choice – you can choose to opt out of the lookism rat race and still be a living, breathing, relatively happy human being. Wallowing in victimhood by saying “The magazines are making me do this!” or “It’s because I played with Barbies that my self-image is so screwed up!” is pointless, stupid, and even hurtful. Once you know it’s all made-up nonsense, you gain the option of not believing in it anymore. Like Santa.

  18. unusualisbeautiful says:

    This was amazing!

  19. unusualisbeautiful says:

    Reblogged this on Insights, Laughs, Tears… and commented:
    This is too good to not share.

  20. Daile says:

    It’s never men that make women feel bad about their bodies – it’s usually themselves or other women. Men are generally happy that you have a vagina and are willing to let them near it. I truly believe women need to be kinder and more accepting of themselves. Pass the dinosaur milk

  21. Stacey Kay says:

    So, let me get this straight.

    Men only want someone friendly to talk to, and good looking enough to sleep with.

    So to get a man, we only have to be those things. Yet, when we become shallow and obsessed with attaining only those things, it’s our fault.

    Forget ambition, quirkiness, humor, intelligence, kindness, compassion.

    Nope, if you’re fuck-able and not annoying then you’re good to go.

    I realize that this article was meant to be satire, but it literally just reinforced everything you were trying to make fun of.

    • You’re welcome to explain why instead of making accusations. Also, I’m not sure it’s even possible to satirize and reinforce something simultaneously. I’ll look into that.

      • Stacey Kay says:

        Well in the beginning you explain why you think it’s silly to be obsessing so much over who the “real” women are, and that you should just try to be the healthiest person you can be for whatever body shape you have. Great. Thats fine.

        But where it goes awry for me is paragraph 6. You state, “You can ignore whatever social and media pressures are out there.”

        Okay. WAYYYY easier said than done. I don’t speak for everyone, but I think a majority of little girls are taught in this country from a young age that the best thing you can be is pretty. Yes, our toys embody the images of unattainable blue eye and blonde hair “beauty”. Our movies always end with us getting married as if that is the one and only thing in this life that can truly bring us happiness. Even our own families pressure us to “settle down”. I’ve been asked at job interviews if I plan on getting pregnant. I’ve been sexually harassed at 3 of my jobs and most recently when I reported the inappropriate comments and touching I was accused of being a “troublemaker” and had to sit through whispers through the hallway about “being careful what you say” in this office because it could be taken the wrong way.
        All of this takes place and then 3 months later a woman from my office has to have the police called because a strange man is following her home at night.

        So yes, it would be nice to be able to take a compliment without “confusing anger” but frankly, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of “being nice” and “giving off the wrong idea” and then being blamed for leading someone on. If a strange man tells me I’m pretty on the street, my first instinct is pure terror because actual experiences has taught me that if I don’t give him my attention he will then turn around and call me a “bitch” a “whore” and “stuck up” for not talking to him. But all I really want to do is be able to go to the store and get my groceries without being followed around the aisles.

        I once went to Walmart for tacky glue wearing American Eagle jeans, a winter coat, and boots. I was followed from the home improvement section all the way to the crafts section as a man attempted to say “hello” to me. I didn’t want to talk and I had no interest in striking up a “harmless” conversation with a stranger in a Walmart. I did not know this man. I ignored him. He followed me. He then approached me and said, “I think you’re really sexy.” My heart stopped in sheer terror because I was afraid to ignore him, I was afraid to speak to him, I was afraid of being followed out to my car, I was angry that I had to feel that way. I was angry that I had to be terrified to receive a compliment. But there are too many times that those “harmless compliments” turn into actual harassment.

      • I didn’t endorse stalking or cat calling strangers. I also don’t have the ability to keep people from being scared.

        It’s a problem. That’s why I wrote an entire article about it.

      • Stacey Kay says:

        I think you had a lot of great points in this, but miss the boat a little bit in terms of your sensitivity to the female experience.

      • Even women will have varying female experiences. If the comments on this post have taught me anything, it’s that. As a man, I’m even further separated from whatever that experience entails. However, I see a problem and a needless one at that.

    • The Ziggurat says:

      Actually, you hit the nail on the head. Everyone has different skills and attributes. “Fuck-able” and “not annoying” are the two best qualities to have. I’d rather sleep with a woman who is not annoying (who may be 100lbs or 300lbs, no difference) than a woman who is annoying (who may be 100lbs or 300lbs).

      Being an irritation is just that – irritating. Great point!

  22. Stacey Kay says:

    “Healthy looking best friend.” = “Someone to complement me and fuck me.”

  23. you my friend have said what was long left unsaid, or rather ignored. of course, what ever we advocate for, the media s not going to let go of this hype. Skinnier women would still want to be curvier, the voluptuous to stick-thin and the ones in the mid, can’t seem to find a balance between the bootie and the boobies! Just saying!

    • helenjain21 says:

      Good point. Poor women in the middle, they have the worst time trying to decide what they wanna be. (On a side note, I think healthy is the best way to go, regardless of size.)

  24. mcbarlow5 says:

    Freshly pressed again?! Congrats, man!

  25. Well, when I’m on a date I like to look good and I pay extra attention to my clothes and make-up. It is nice for him and makes me feel confidant. Nothing wrong with that. But you make a good point, a guy usually likes a girl for who she is, not for how provocative she dresses. Nice article.

  26. amazing blog..! this really helps a project i m doin! :) thank u

  27. jansankhya says:

    But men buy n read so much playboy . Would u guys be cool if they pictured fat ladies playboy ? guys also a part in makimg feel imsecure by out the girls n hot as cant deny that . thts y to be Dated to be wanted a lots of women invest so much time In looks make up . Seen tht movie shallow haL ?

  28. originalwomanempowerment says:

    refreshing..

  29. originalwomanempowerment says:

    Reblogged this on Nurturing Mind Body and Soul and commented:
    Found this to be refreshing as well as real.

  30. Dani says:

    Excellent read!

  31. katherinejlegry says:

    well the history of fashion excluding your prehistoric glimpse, has elevated kings, queens, pharos, emperors, religious leaders, nobels, aristocrats, rich people etc. to look like gods and or whatever the popular power player of the day, in order to “wow” them, or scare them, and certainly set them apart thereby ruling them more effectively. Fashion as au couture gets to be an art form that plays with fashion history. The rest is marketing predicated on the fears of it’s consumer. And you may be perturbed by the shallow cat fight, but you still showed your claws too. So take after world war two, how we needed Rosie the Riveter to forfiet her wrench and instead fall in love with her modern conveniences like a brand new dishwasher and get her out of the factories where she’d been helping make bombs, so the soldier guys coming home didn’t have job competition, right? So we marketed mommies and housewives and this worked as very beautiful silver screen stuff for hollywood… and then we got Hugh Heffner and the Playboy magazine “liberating” women from the fifties and her underwire bra which would later get burned in the sixties, and each era had a retro-designer and a modern designer and now we can wear anything! the body images in advertising and in media are endless. This constant bombardment is a brainwash… and you can wonder why women are so stupid to participate in their own shallow demise, but honestly, is it any wonder? I don’t have a lot of guys want to talk to me. Most of them wanna know what there chance of getting laid are. I could be wearing a burlap sack and it’s still true. Women ant to feel beautiful not leered at. women should both about the rudeness and all of the forensic shows produced that rape and kill them. Some respond negatively to compliments because they don’t trust them. You can write however you want about the sisters, but you still don’t “get it”. Marketing. Marketing. Marketing.

  32. katherinejlegry says:

    In closing sentences of my previous response it should have read: “most of them want to know what their chances of getting laid are” And later “women should bitch about the rudeness…” (adding) and any anything else they want to bitch about… (sorry for my typos… I should have read my draft before replying.)

  33. Not only a great post standing on its own…but its inpsired quite the variety of comments – well done !

  34. sludgebelly says:

    Reblogged this on sludgebelly and commented:
    The title is a bit of a misnomer, though it’s worth a read as a male viewpoint of how we women can over focus on our body image, meanwhile criticising other women in an effort to feel better about ourselves (see: Fashion Buyers). Interestingly, the influence of media is not mentioned, though I suspect that women are trained to be more attuned to media than the men watching the women.

  35. Monica DiNatale says:

    So true. Men care if we like them. They don’t worry about our cellulite, our highlights or if my nails are done!

  36. Fraukje says:

    Thank you, sir!

  37. I absolutely love this post, thank you so much! It’s so incredibly refreshing to hear this from a male point of view! Brilliant :)

  38. laughinglee says:

    Reblogged this on laughinglee's Bloggywoggy and commented:
    Really good read!

  39. iheartsiena says:

    Was a delight reading this! It’s actually quite refreshing to know that falling in love is actually a lot more human than how we have made it become.

  40. mursal17 says:

    very true, us women forget vagina’s is what identifies us as women.

  41. carminaubrun says:

    Reblogged this on CARMIN AUBRUN and commented:
    Very good! You must read. For men and women.

  42. “Are they making vaguely human faces in response to things said?” I’m tired as all fuck, but this still managed to make me laugh. Out loud. In a cafe. With burnt milk in my mouth. Fuckery! This is something our humanity seems to be lacking, generally. I love seeing you get FP’d. But for this post, I love even more so. Have fun with the femi-nazis on this one. I can already see the misconstructions building into beautiful little balls of double-standardised nonsense.

  43. carminaubrun says:

    The one that realize projects, have passions and something to say are the sexiest women for me.

  44. “Real women have vaginas”? That’s a pretty transphobic statement. Trans women are women too. I agree that women come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no one “right” way to be a woman. I would therefore say that what makes a woman a real woman is simply the fact she identifies as a woman. Vaginas are not a prerequisite.

    • I am extremely familiar with the transgender community and am also aware that there is no consensus on what define’s a person’s gender. Regardless, I don’t place any additional (or lesser) value on a person’s rights or worth based on what genders they identify.

      However, I would still assert that having a vagina qualifies someone as being a woman. Otherwise some transgender people wouldn’t ever bother with sexual reassignment surgeries.

      • Thanks for your response. While as a cis woman I certainly cannot speak for the trans* community, I do know that many transgender people in fact do not undergo sex reassignment surgeries for a variety of reasons. A person’s gender identity is not dependent on their genitals, and a woman having a penis does not invalidate her identity. I just thought that I would point this out, as I do believe that your statement that what makes someone a woman is “the fact that I can’t find a penis anywhere on your body,” is quite problematic.

      • I am perfectly fine with you finding it problematic if that’s how you need to feel. But, if you are willing, I’d be happy to let you talk as to the why of it.

        Whether someone goes into surgery or not, none of this if a value judgement. The point is that it’s a sliding scale and on one side are women with vaginas that feel like women and want to stay that gender. But this was was never a post about transgender individuals. However, I would imagine that trans women feel compelled to reach an even more unrealistic ideal set in place by what it means to be a lady in today’s society.

  45. FINALLY! A man’s point of view and an educated, honest & straight forward one at that! Don’t know if anyone noticed that it’s mostly women talking about women’s bodies, how they should look, how they should react, what to do to get that man … I’ve always wondered if men really liked all that stuff? Do they really want their girlfriend/wife to have the raccoon eyes, the red lips that you can’t kiss, the stiff hair sprayed hair that you can’t touch and run your fingers through… Thank You for taking the time to write and post this!

    • We all have things we do and don’t like and I’ve noticed that there is only some overlapping. I really some of the glamour and dressing up some of the time. But the practical me knows that I’ve dated a lot of women with very short hair because it’s easier for them to take care of and I don’t choke on it in the night when spooning. Either way, that’s not going to stop me from wanting to spend time with someone I’ve fallen in love with because of their personality.

      • You are a credit to your gender! I think we all like getting all gussied up and go out for a “town & gown” Every now and again! I know I sure do and I don’t wear any make up and have a very cut and dry hair style! I’ve reposted this on my facebook and it’s been reposted twice so far from that. Like my friend said; “… It’s all pretty obvious, it’s just not said enough…”

  46. valyriekiennan says:

    Is having/not having a vagina really the definition of what it is to be female? I feel your suggestions deny/diminish the transgender/intersexed experience.

    • If you feel that way, I believe you’ve read into something that wasn’t there. This post was not about the transgender experience in any way.

      From a strictly biological standpoint the presence of female genitalia is a pretty big component of what makes up a woman. But I am not suggesting people don’t have the ability and need to self identify however they feel most comfortable.

  47. imeforever98 says:

    this is so nice!!!!

  48. I have always trying to see everyone beyond their physical appearance.

  49. aimster813 says:

    Excellent break-down of what women are and what men want. I found it extremely entertaining, and pretty accurate! :)

  50. “So why do we waste time on obsessing over weight and making stupid assumptions about which age is the most desirable? Why do we attempt to draw extra attention to our bodies and then complain when we finally get it? Why do we waste a bunch of money on clothes that we’ll wear once or twice and makeup that hides our real faces? ” The unfortunate answer is insecurity. Love this post!

  51. Hannah says:

    I just wrote a post yesterday about women’s bodies lol. Its always nice to read posts by guys that basically say all the focus we put on ourselves to be beautiful as per the media is garbage. Lovely post!

  52. “Real women have vaginas” is no more true than “real women have curves”. Transwomen, anyone? Real women self-identify as women. Everything else is superficial.

    • I will absolutely call and consider any individual by whatever name and gender they want– but this post also is not about transgender sexuality. I might do that in the future though.

      But, while we are on the topic, if they are real women why did you need to clarify by stating “Transwomen anyone?”

      • Because they are called transwomen. A subset of all real women are transwomen; the others are ciswomen, which are those born with vaginas, so you had already covered them. Had I not specified that I meant trans- rather than cis-, my comment might have been confusing.

        If you’re talking about women’s bodies, you can’t pretend transpeople don’t exist just because you’re “not talking” about them. They’re still there, and pretending they aren’t is not a neutral act.

      • Yes but your using of terms sort of further illustrates that there is a difference, doesn’t it? I’ve said before that I believe sexuality and gender are on a sliding scale. On one end of that scale are women that have lived as women all of their lives– the vast majority of them possess female genitalia.

        Is that how you imagined me, actively pretending they don’t exist? Exactly how not neutral was the act? Did you imagine me with my fists balled up and eyes shut tight because I was exerting so much mental energy? Was I gritting my teeth? Did you think I started to include transgender people in the post and then said, “No… they… don’t even exist” and began to laugh maniacally?

        I’m thinking you might be really worried I dislike transgendered people. That isn’t the case.

  53. Linz says:

    If only women would allow themselves to believe that the general male criteria for a mate is sex, humor, sex, food, sex, has all or most of her teeth, sex, doesn’t murder people or kick dogs, sex.

  54. Definitely only take the time to note a person’s appearance when I am in that common shared space with them, when they are terribly handsome or for some reason I happen to notice their spandex pants (which isn’t my favorite).

  55. dorothyemyers says:

    Ah thank you, a fun read. I needed that male perspective that reminds me how simple and generous your needs are, helps me remember if I’m going to make an effort, it’ll be to improve my own sense of feeling good about myself. At least that’s what I got from what you wrote. You don’t need us to be so hard on ourselves, just be happy and healthy.

    And, “Two-hundred pound skinny black girls with porcelain skin that dress like librarian hookers”
    That was Awesome! It’s how I felt trying to meet that impossible standard, just crazy.

  56. samara says:

    You’e been FP’d!! Very cool!
    I had to go on WordPress’s FP’d section looking for the very cool DC vs Marvel Superhero post, (part of a Tug Of War thingey) and there YOU were.
    Drinks are on you!
    your friend,
    one of the little people
    (oh my, some of the stupid things people are commenting you really probably do need a cocktail)

  57. Damion says:

    Hey guys, was wondering if you’d checkout my blog and tell me what you think. http://www.EverythingLearnt.wordpress.com

  58. Nephila says:

    You obviously have your heart in the right place. But I don’t think you realise just how awful your fellow men out there are. This is nice but way too naive. Nice to see though.

    • I don’t think this conflicting image and ideal was crafted by women for women. Men have definitely played a huge role– especially in gender roles. They have, after all, been the dominant gender for the previous 20,000 years.

      However, I still think the average gentleman doesn’t want all of the nonsense around or to have women dealing with it.

      I can’t speak for the scumbags of the world though. Maybe one day when I’m rich.

  59. Reblogged this on agirlbehindascreen and commented:
    Brilliant post and so true!!

  60. Miriam Joy says:

    “I’m going to let you and the rest of society in on a secret, real women have vaginas.” Oh, wow, so that was a little bit transphobic. And generally pretty offensive. Some women don’t have vaginas. That’s not even necessarily because they’re transgender (but spoiler alert: trans women ARE STILL WOMEN) but maybe they’ve had surgery or they happened to be born without one. I guess you were trying to be supportive of women of all shapes and sizes by saying that their biological sex was enough to qualify them as women, but it just came across as kind of transphobic and ableist, so…

    • I have no negative feelings toward transgendered people and have said nothing of the sort. There for this statement is not transphobic or transprejudice.

      You being offended is meaningless. That isn’t an argument. People can’t keep reading into something and saying “I’m offended. So….”

      And lumping ableism in with transphobia is a little off. Transgender persons are not disabled. You suggesting that they might be through your wording is, at least, as offensive as me not including a trans perspective in my post about women with vaginas who were born women, lived as women, and make up 99% of the population.

      • Miriam Joy says:

        Apologies for being unclear – I was referring to those who did not have a vagina who were not transgendered when I referred to ableism. I really my comment could easily have been misconstrued and comes across are unintentionally snarky as I wrote it when I was halfway through an argument with somebody else so was in a mood of general irritation. I apologise for that; my point stands that a vagina does not a woman make, but I realise I may have come across as too aggressive.

      • Miriam Joy says:

        I also have one query: do cis women truly make up 99% of the population? There I was thinking there were some men around somewhere…

      • I think they make up 99% of the population of women. We can make it 98% if you’d like. I figured it was a given that my math was referencing women only.

      • Miriam Joy says:

        I was attempting to use humour to deflect attention from the lack of clarity in my previous comments that made me look like an irritable troll. Clearly it wasn’t very effective. I’ll just shut up now.

  61. PsiFiGal says:

    Wow! You really stirred up the hornets nest this time didn’t you? As always this was a great read, very thought provoking (stating the obvious). I’ve grown out of the wanting to look like a “librarian hooker” stage (that was in the 80’s, *cringe* when I was young and vapid). I do have to say that I do like fashion, there are some beautiful clothes being made today, but I’m too old and too tired to bother much with fashion. If it’s easy to put on and take off, comfortable and not too gaudy I’ll probably wear it. In a perfect world all people would be comfortable with their body image, unfortunately that is not the case, in a world where there are people dying every day from war, famine and disease, it’s pretty superficial if you think about it. But this is not a perfect world, is it?

    • No, it never is. People will always be unhappy and to want change their bodies or to be offended, to have an argument, or fixate on things like semantics. I’m okay with having stirred up any hornets nest so long as it creates thinking and discourse.

      I’m glad you’re comfortable enough in your own skin to, at least, realize there are bigger issues out there in the world. Having these sorts of problems are a luxury for people living in a safer environment.

  62. helenjain21 says:

    This made me laugh so hard I almost fell of the couch (which would not have been good for my laptop.) Straightforward, bluntly honest and completely true. Women don’t have to spend hours primping to be attractive. And getting bothered by simple complements (i.e. Your hair looks nice, great shoes, you have a pretty smile, etc.) is kind of silly, especially if a woman has gone out of her way to make her hair look nice, wear pretty shoes or purposely draw attention to her lips via bright red lipstick (maybe the pretty smile might be creepy if a woman tried to downplay her lips…but red is a bright color that draws the eyes, so expect compliments about a smile while wearing it.)

    Anyways, this article makes me feel way better about myself than all of those ones written by women. Why should I have to gain weight to be considered pretty? (As a skinny girl, I have been told that I need to eat more many times in my life. My husbands grandmother made a monumental effort to get me to gain weight, but alas, I ended up losing weight instead.)

    Great job and congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

  63. Coleen says:

    Spending time in different societies on different continents has shown me that everyone (EVERYONE) is subject to the kinds of pressures you mention, but that women do get an unfair deal. In places like South Korea, this is pushed to the extreme and all the “prettiest” women on TV and in real life look the same. Plastic surgery is rampant…one surgeon has decorated the office with the jawbones shaved off patients in attempts to make them ‘beautiful’. I never felt comfortable with my body while living there.

    The real issue is consumerisation and objectification of female bodies, wrapped in a thin layer of rhetoric that tells us we can be more modern, more liberated, more beautiful, more perfect than any women before. Did cavewomen have Venus razors? Did they wear lipstick? Nah.

  64. MissMiika says:

    This is excellent – and quite on-the-point for a man. This is what my hubby keeps telling me, but I tend to not listen too closely cause he usually tells me what I want to hear…. Otherwise he doesn’t get to come anywhere near my vagina :p
    Anyway, thank you for this

  65. lithakazi says:

    Reblogged this on lithakazi's Blog and commented:
    “Most men don’t want women to be subjected to this and all they are really looking for is a healthy looking best friend that is willing to sleep with them.”

    Thank you kind sir… You’ve confirmed what I’ve come to understand about how women see themselves and what men want from their prospective partners.

  66. First of all, I love this, have shared it all over the place, and think you are a genius, and I’d love to follow you but i can’t figure out how.

    Second: I have a food blog, and I was going to write about a very similar topic but now I don’t have to, because you’ve done it better than I ever could have. Plus, I couldn’t find a way to incorporate ass bleaching in a food blog.

    • There is a little button to the right side of the website that says “This will change your life.”

      I feel like you owe it to yourself to at least try and incorporate ass bleaching into a food blog. If you pulled it off, you’d be internet famous for sure.

  67. Reblogged this on my site and commented:
    Very true!

  68. jessicaornelas says:

    Brilliantly written, several great factors mentioned which I couldn’t agree with more!
    If only majority of females were more inclined to embrace differences rather than compare constantly

    • I think, as a society, we are obsessed with differences so it’s kind of an ingrained problem. We want to identify with someone and keep out someone else. Perhaps, like you suggested, the goal should just be a willingness to embrace all the differences and not worry so much about what’s perceived as best.

  69. Gen. Fury says:

    “Real women have vaginas,” you say? I’m gonna write that down and REMEMBER it!

  70. so well said. if the world was what they were and not pretend to be someone else, we would be happier!!! kudos and congrats

  71. katherinejlegry says:

    The english language is misogynist and the backlash against women in the United States of America land of equality, is insidious. When you say some people are just looking to be offended and some guy posts the “fem-nazi” tag and a bunch of people stroke your cock about getting this freshly pressed, and then go on and on how it’s mostly women who criticize each other and bring this on themselves, while admitting to basically being willing to copulate with any healthy relatively articulate female (I paraphrase), you’re dragging men down, not helping them relate or care about women. And to all the females encouraging your honest perspective, these women should read David Foster Wallace’s book: Infinite Jest including all of the footnotes. It’s a rough read, but it’s as TRUE as fiction gets with many types of guys and what makes ’em tick… and how they really feel about you. It’s dark “comedy” for those with gallows humor. For all others, it can be mildly traumatizing. Happy trails…Monsters are people too.

    • The Ziggurat says:

      Especially the guy who strangles dogs for pleasure.

      • katherinejlegry says:

        okay but please don’t give away details from the book. Let them discover these things for themselves.

    • Are you suggesting that this posting was, in some way, part of a misogynist backlash against women? Some people are just looking to be offended or upset, male and female. You seem a little upset– your choice of wording sort of hints at it. But I don’t think anybody actually stroked my cock in congratulations of having an article featured. I would have remembered.

      As for whatever my commenters said, I don’t speak for them. I just let them share their thoughts.

      I’ll back you up on Infinite Jest being a good book though. Worth a read, everybody.

  72. I always used to pull the heads off my barbies and cut their hair really short when I was bored….. I got bored a lot when I was little. Then I went to school and got told that I couldn’t play in the mud because my mother would have a hard time getting it out of my uniform (which was a skirt), and also because it wasn’t what girls were supposed to do. I never payed any attention to stuff like that until I got teased for ‘having a moustach’ when I was 12. A little bit of upper lip hair is totally normal, but I still bleached it anyway, just so people would stop being mean to me.

    • I bet they’re still mean to you sometimes for different reasons. That’s the biggest problem. It isn’t about what’s good or what’s right it’s about just treating each other better. We have all of these rules and come at people so angrily just because we can be. It ruins everything.

    • katherinejlegry says:

      I’m not suggesting your post as part of a misogynist backlash against women. I’m saying it is a misogynist backlash. You aren’t as good of a writer as DFW (albeit he took 1078 pages including footnotes in Infinite Jest to portray the problems your posting somewhat address and further perpetuates). I am a writer that definitely goes after what bothers me. I need not write for sentimental reasons. I look for stimulating discussions. I should be offended by your loose and flippant remarks. I am glad you don’t censor your readers comments. I want to know all the levels of thought and lack of insight. That’s helpful. The stroking of your cock is an expression. I could have said a pat on the back, but the cock seems more appropriate in light of your post. It means you are being flattered for being freshly pressed. Thanks for the opportunity to share and refine the discussion. It really needs refinement.

      • I think you meant to respond to the earlier comments but found yourself in a different part of the conversation.

        Regardless of the location, I always like to offer people an opportunity to express themselves. But you have found a lot of things in my post that I did not write. At no point do I blame women for creating this false and impossible idea any more than I would blame men. I also don’t admit to “being willing to copulate with any healthy relatively articulate female.” You are terrible at paraphrasing.

        As for dragging men down, I don’t speak for men. Nor does any single individual. I would imagine the same goes for most groups. You seemed overly eager to criticize and critique but honestly haven’t offered a single alternative or improvement other than suggesting everyone read some book you liked. You haven’t even suggested why any of this might be damaging in the first place.

        You might be right about me not being up to par with David Foster Wallace though. He is a good writer. Give me a few more years.

  73. Pingback: Puzzling Over the Cosplay Paradox | Cirsova

  74. astra says:

    thanks for this post.. great article! I am tempted to believe your point of view that there is nothing wrong with a woman just being herself– without make up, without fussing over what dress to wear, how she looks, what her size is. But until every man and woman alike treats every woman equally regardless of their shape, and face and only on the basis of their personality, I will consider this mere loveletter from a man I know I don’t want to do anything with. It’s sweet but that’s just it.. Sweet!!! Thanks for inspiring me on this topic, if i’m crazy enough to write an answer to this topic, I might write. ((:

  75. ashokbhatia says:

    Some good thought here for all the oglers of the world.
    You may like this post:
    http://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2013/07/19/women-in-trousers-men-in-skirts/

  76. The best thing about this post is nothing but the fact that all of this was written by a MAN. Seriously, that should be such a relief for women. :D

  77. jjalbertt says:

    I’m a female and I agree with all of this. I’m a girl that doesn’t understand why ladies hide their faces with foundation. Or wear so much makeup I have no idea who they are. When it comes to me, I wear eye makeup. I highlight my eyes and even that is often a minimum.
    What’s the point? To not look ugly? We can all see how much is caked to your face. If you want guys to like you, how about get a personality and wear something nice.
    As for girls complaining about compliments… Take the compliment, feel good about yourself. unless it’s inappropriate, like “looking fine, let me lick body shots off at ass”.
    And those are my thoughts…. :D

  78. Leah says:

    Reblogged this on Creative Space and commented:
    Truly love this take on real feminine beauty.

  79. “There is a weird double standard in society that needs women to look sexy and to ensure that nobody ever addresses it. It expects them to be perpetually young and tells them that they need to be curvaceous if they are thin, slim if they are voluptuous, white if they are black, tan if they are pale, sultry if they are reserved, prudish if they are alluring, and a million of other ridiculous contradictions.” < I completely agree with and I think it was very nicely articulated. :)

  80. watsona131 says:

    Reblogged this on UndefinedBeauty.

  81. Cheli says:

    I have so much to say about this yet so little time. So I’m just going to say fantastic, well done! :)

  82. Ms. Me says:

    Reblogged this on Breaking The Barriers and commented:
    “Is she healthy? Will she have sex with me? ” lol
    “..a bestfriend.. That’s willing to have sex with us….” men really are so simple lol it’s adorable and I mean that I a good way

  83. jonjaproductions says:

    Well this is all true, but I feel like people will never understand until they’re truly in a girls’ shoes. Like watching skinniness and losing weight being glorified, which makes you feel like your less. And just because you don’t buy into that shit don’t think other men don’t. We’ve got men out here talking about their preferred sizes and it’s usually what they see on TV, which is skinny.

  84. Sing Speak Smile says:

    “There is a weird double standard in society that needs women to look sexy and to ensure that nobody ever addresses it.”….this line began the paragraph that put the cherry on top for me! i loved this post.

  85. Women face very contradictory pressures. Technically we shouldn’t have to cover our bodies up not to be sexually objectified. We should be able to wear what we like without our body being immediately associated with sex. But you are right, there is a difference between attraction and sexual objectification.

  86. tyates1994 says:

    I loved this! As a college-aged woman, these points are especially salient. I think it’s funny that women keep trying to attain these standards of beauty when men like you keep telling us it doesn’t matter. If only men were louder than the media…

  87. MissFit says:

    Love this! I’m a single woman and ‘Are they healthy’ is #1 in what I look for in men as well. I’ve dedicated myself to helping men and women reach their health goals – so great to see more support!

  88. fluffydstroyer1 says:

    Reblogged this on fluffydstroyer.

  89. s1mpl33m33 says:

    I absolutely love this article, the point of it comes across perfectly aswell as being humouress.

  90. s1mpl33m33 says:

    Reblogged this on s1mpl33m33 and commented:
    Well said.

  91. LOVE IT!!!!! I have been looking for funny blogs all day! just found this other one that I thought u might think was interesting http://monsooninparadise.squarespace.com/

  92. Great blog and kept me entertained

  93. sophiejourno says:

    Reblogged this on Sophie Hives-Wood.

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  95. nukabee says:

    Reblogged this on Nuka Bee and commented:
    It’s nice to know that at least, someone says this.

  96. sonali79 says:

    Interesting opinion from a guy. Perhaps you should start influencing your fellow males- that would make the world a better place for us women to live in!

  97. TalkToTrina says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. I think this is just what every woman wants to hear.

  98. Sir, I like the way you think. I know it’s impossible to satisfy everyone all the time, including yourself, and that I shouldn’t care to hear that some people act like jerks just because they don’t like how another person looks, but it was really nice to read that you see through this BS. I don’t know, it was refreshing.

  99. My friend Angela and I are in our 30s and are far beyond having our slim and toned “high school bodies”. We work out and then go have a beer sometimes, because we choose to enjoy life. Life is too short to be consumed with attempting to live up to impossible double standards. The line ” Two-hundred pound skinny black girls with porcelain skin that dress like librarian hookers can’t possibly exist.” is my favorite. I vote for teaching the young women of today to be the healthiest version of themselves. It is more important to be a good person than to look good in person.

  100. AllKnol says:

    Reblogged this on ALLKNOL and commented:
    Falsus Corpus: Thoughts About Women’s Stupid Bodies

  101. jennifermatkowsky says:

    This is such an important topic to write about. Very good!

    Check out my blog if you’re interested. whenwemumble.wordpress.com
    ‘How sad it is to be the type of different we desire.’

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