This is the fifth installment of the infamous diary within a used book I purchased from a clearance event for “junk books” in a nearly abandoned library. The journal follows the exploits of one severely atypical woman living in 1988 who just happens to also adore cats. If you would like to begin the story from the beginning or catch up on some of her earlier entries, go to The Cat Lover’s Diary. You’ll be glad that you did.
You Monsters Are People. 
this is almost unreal! the author, …r u sure u r aren’t pulling our leg and YOU r the author? at least this must be a blood relative. awesome.
I do feel a very deep connection with her.
Just like him … priceless!
(There’s a current pop song that’s all the rage among my daughter’s crowd at the moment ‘I whip my hair back and forth’ being- as I recently discovered to my shame – the correct lyrics. I’ve – loudly – being singing ‘I wear my hair like a boy’).
laughing really hard, happily, on your side u know, not at u
I have a twenty-seven year old male friend that sings that very song sometimes.
It’s slightly disconcerting.
When this generation gets to the nursing home they can reinvent the song as “I Rock My Chair Back and Forth”! :D
Legitimately good joke.
Considering actually rewriting the lyrics….
holy shit. “dark humor” is absolutely spot on.
She is something, isn’t she?
“Being fake pregnant is the best thing ever!” ~ absolutely unbelievable.
I’m glad she thinks Bill Cosby is hilarious. At least someone does.
Once again, thanks for making me laugh this morning, Posky!
I still like Bill Cosby too.
This is awesome! Now I do have to go back and read the other installments!
How come I never find cool things at old book sales?
You probably don’t spend enough time at the right places. You have to put in some serious hours into really bizarre places to accumulate the sort of stories that I have.
oh, FUCK YEAH, new ice cream shop!
also, i can’t even wrap my head around this. being fake pregnant is the best thing EVER! new favourite quote.
also, new life ambition.
I’m really excited to hear about how that project works out for you. Promise to keep me updated with every graphic detail.
Amazing story, if it’s for real! What a depressing life she leads to feel she has to pretend she’s pregnant to get people to be nice to her.
I bet she’s not even the only person who has done that.
What a strange universe we exist in.
Another entertaining installment! I can’t wait to hear what happens to the “baby”!
I’ve read on ahead… I’m not sure you’ll want to know after I tell you.
do you by chance read the New Yorker …if not, check out Amy Ozols, she may be your long lost diary owner, or at least a relative with similar cat oddities as this anonymous author.. “meow?” caption and …taping over whore bit = too freakin funny!
I’m familiar with most New York comedy writers and know some of her work. She seems really weird and sad. While that sort of makes me like her, I saw an interview with her that made me think that someone needed to tongue-kiss her really badly but that I also wasn’t going volunteer.
I look forward to being her rival or lover once I move to NYC permanently.
I totally misread “I ended up having toast with my good cats.” I thought she ate them. (And if that happens later in the calendar, I totally called it.)
Also, I really want to make “Meow. I’m a duke.” my new personal catchphrase.
Some of my friends already have, but I’d like it to spread if at all possible. A lot of them have also taken to using the phrase “please get help.” That was something I would regularly post on photos of passed out infants- implying that they had a substance abuse problem. I eventually also started posting it on unflattering photos of friends… and, finally, strangers.
Every time I read this series, I cannot but wonder whether YOU indeed created this but pretended you chanced upon this piece of gem in the great literary tradition. This month is my favorite so far: full of suspense. “Why did she need to go buy baby books for her desk?” Then we found out later… I cannot wait for June! What’s going to happen to the fake pregnancy?… And thank you and this diary for introducing me to Edward Lear who according to Wiki is “renowned today primarily for his literary nonsense”. Fantastic!
But not, sadly, for his foresight regarding future euphemisms.
We can hardly fault him for that, but that surely won’t stop us.
I’ve got mixed feelings on Lear’s writing but enjoy his fondness for owls.
I guess I should give Leonard another chance.
…I wouldn’t.
I have just discovered this and I love it. If you would put all the posts from this journal to a separate blog and throw it on StumbleUpon, I believe you’d have a great deal of success and fame.
Though perhaps not fortune.
We will see about that.
This diary has been remarkably entertaining, even if I do often feel bad for reading it. I’m hoping that it ends on a high note to erase my guilt.
Hope for the best and prepare for the worst (best).
“I ended up having toast with my good cats…”! Good overload.
My mom bought me a cat lovers book for my birthday!
I can’t wait to fill it up and hide it in a used book…
Let me know if you need any help.
I want a cut “just like him.” Classic. You rock.
Oh my god she’s a serial catnapper!
I “look like” I broke out of a state mental hospital. No, you must have!