When it comes to romance, there aren’t a whole lot of rules. Most people are completely satisfied with the old standard of hugs, kisses and occasional pats on the rump. But, sometimes, you need to spice up the stew if you’re going to be having it every night. It’s healthy to explore but, once in a while, a body can get hung up on a single element. When an act, item or body part becomes abnormally sexually powerful to someone, it’s called a fetish. With fetishes it’s a pretty slippery slope. It’s perfectly fine to have one but, as with any obsession, it can become unhealthy pretty quickly if left unchecked. I would argue that it’s somewhat akin to a mental illness, but marginally more erotic.
The bottom line is that not everyone is going to appreciate or even agree on what is considered sexual by others. So, by advertising their obsessive interests, a person risks coming across as a bit of a monster. Quentin Tarantino’s foot fetish has been well documented in both his life and his films. Literally every movie he has ever made includes, at least, one scene where feet are featured or discussed at length. In a way it’s sort of interesting how much of himself goes into his work. But in another more important way, it’s genuinely upsetting.
This is a man who wrote a scene into a script just so he could put Salma Hayek’s foot directly into his own mouth. Again, would I want to have her foot in my mouth? Yes. Would I go out of my way to abuse my power to ensure that happened? No. That would make me the absolute saddest sort of pervert. That is the sort of shady dealings best reserved for a villain just pathetic enough to pity. A real gentleman asks for the foot and then accepts whatever the lady’s decision is.
Sometimes people like feet and I can, more or less, get on board with that. Like most parts of the human anatomy, feet vary in attractiveness. It probably isn’t terribly abnormal to find some people’s feet sexy. However it’s when you find all people’s feet extra sexy that things change forever. That’s when you have to ask yourself who is in control. Is it you, or is it the feet? But it’s not just feet we have to worry about; it’s everything everywhere all of the time. Apparently you can have a fetish for just about anything. Some fetishes come way out of left field and are ridiculously popular. There are enough people who have a sexual fetish for balloons that they have nicknamed themselves the “loners.” The mere fact that the concept of adult-babies can even be considered sexual by anyone shows how limitless fetishes are.
Physiologists claim that there is a direct link between phobia and fetishism. While this would finally explain my light clown fetish, it doesn’t explain things like the people who like to have sex with birds (avisodomy). I was unaware that this was even an option until recently. Then again, perhaps I’m not giving birds enough credit on just how scary or sexy they can be. I suppose this fear based arousal makes its debut in bondage, choking and the unbelievably nightmarish nosolagnia— but it kind of makes our entire species seem sort of awful. We are even fetishizing normal things at this point. I’m pretty sure the concept of MILFs didn’t even exist until the 1990s. Up until that point they were just known as attractive women above the age of 35, but now the internet has made them a specialty item for no apparent reason. We’ve abstracted sex to this weird level where nothing is normal anymore. It’s no wonder that we need to see shoeless adults dressed up as babies getting tied up to get off anymore. The internet is like a sex buffet trying to fatten us up. Eventually, you’ve tried everything and the once delicious mac n’ cheese is suddenly bland. You know that the buffet oysters are probably going to make you really sick, but they are free and moist.
I know it’s not all about embracing shame and disgusting acts in drastically intimate ways. But it’s almost as strange to think about people having parties where one person pops a balloon by sitting on it while four other people’s eyes roll back into their heads as they drift off into ecstasy. The whole thing is just a sliding scale of weirdness that we all fall somewhere within. That doesn’t mean we’re going to reach some sort of greater acceptance of each other, but it’s nice to know that we are all playing on the same slime-covered field.