If you have ever wondered where books go when they die or are just a few decades old and no longer relevant, I can tell you. They all end up in a dilapidated library that smells like old cardboard and you can buy them for five dollars a bag. The following pages are taken from one such book that was purchased for me as a gift and happens to contain some of the most superb writing of 1988.
I know this isn’t my usual fare but I thought people might take an interest in this before I post up some more stories with comics. If I get some positive feedback on it, I may post the rest of the months or devote an entire page to the rest of the book’s contents. And, of course, if the good people of The Madison Press Limited wants this taken down, I will be happy to comply.
You Monsters Are People. 
Jan 31: Watch premier for wonder years.
“Domino ripped open a box of Mr. T cereal…I guess I’ll be having Pac-Man cereal tomorrow morning.”
What a gem!
“Damn skippy”? Well, um, just how amusing is the rest? Hmm? On a scale of 0 to 11, 12 being absolutely hilarious–how would you rate it?
Food between her breasts……oh yeah.
Not a fan of this one, eh?
What a score! A regular time-capsule! More! More!
You didn’t make this up, by any chance?
I would give the name of the author if I could.
The Wonder Years! I’m feeling nostalgic!
Okay….this is my favorite post of 2011….by ANYONE…..so far.
I love it. Well, maybe not the cat anus/Chinese dumpling analogy, but everything else is fantastic. Thanks for sharing, Posky. And yes, please post more.
Good, I really hope you end up sharing it others.
Also, I’m thinking about posting next month pretty soon.
Please do. One read, I am already HOOKED!
You’ve got a great imagination. Please post more, but only if they go on another date! What will she drop next…and where…
Got rid of ex the same way. $5 for the bag.
Carl, that’s either a really good or really bad deal.
This is too prefect. You know that this poor woman ended up alone with 57 cats in a one room trailer and wears house coats with little tea pots on them…..it’s interesting to see how she started out…. when you’re that much involved with your cats…there really is no hope for a normal life.
I hope you’ll keep tabs on her through the diary. I’ll probably post February soon.
Please keep these coming. I’m not a cat person but these are very illuminating – especially the haircut after the DATE and a day designated for World Peace praying…also The Cat who walks alone is simply stunning :D
I think the book itself is better than the things she has to say.
Food between the breasts?
How utterly mortifying :O
This is pretty weird. I came over here this morning to tell you about a book. I’m completely serious. The lead character in the specific book I have in mind is a cat (more or less). I’m reading it now and I keep thinking things like, “Posky would think this was hilarious”, or, “I wonder what Posky would do with this clever little turn of phrase?” This book could be one of your all time favorites.
The Alchemaster’s Apprentice by Walter Moers. You might also like The City of Dreaming Books by Moers. And while on the topic of favorite authors, do you read Roald Dahl?
~Theresa
btw – The cat who walks by himself … do you feel that way sometimes Posky?
Sometimes.
As a youngster, I sort of missed the Dahl boat. I was fairly versed in most of his popular material and continued to enjoy them into adulthood. Even as a kid, I liked a dark twist. I always assumed he was a children’s author but the more I learn about him the more I am convinced that isn’t really the case. I really should read more of his work. I, sadly, know very little about any of Moers’ work. Should I look into him?
I’m glad to be on anyone’s mind. Share those thoughts in the future and maybe I can give you actual answers.
One of my favourite books was ‘Dirty Beasts’ by Roald Dahl. I’m not sure if it was normal for a little girl to delight in stories about man-eating pigs and Afghani’s getting crapped on by flying cows, but there it is. I think you’d like this one Posky!
I had to read your post a couple of times to make sure that this diary is for real, that YOU my friend did not make it up (you know, like a brilliant mocumentary, and if you did, it would have been a genius idea too so I was not being accusatory…) Knowing that this is an actual diary written by a girl just makes this so much more awesome. (I hereby ask for forgiveness & non-judgmental attitude towards my overusage of the word “Awesome”)
The diary reminds me of this famous Japanese novel called I am A Cat by Natsume Sōseki. For anybody who loves cats and some sardonic humor from a cat, I highly recommend it.
I Am a Cat is a wonderful book. I hope everyone has had an opportunity to read it.
You’re forgiven for your use of the word awesome. I take it you want to see more of the diary, then?
I really look forward to a Count Chocula reference somewhere in this compelling story! Can’t wait to come back and read more. Thanks for stopping my blog today, too!
I don’t know if she eats Count Chocula.
Oh, pa-shaw! Then the strawberry stuff, for sure!
I am terribly intrigued by this woman who loves cats and freely admits to farting in an elevator and slobbering crumbs into her cleavage. I would read this entire diary! This slim volume is the treasure that makes the $5 bag of books a great deal!
Thanks for sharing it!
I may just post the entire dairy, so keep coming back.
She does sound like a dream come true, doesn’t she?
All I could think when reading this was, “this person was a blogger, before the interwebz even existed!”
Brilliant. I wish my journal scribblings from 1988 were half as entertaining, or vulnerable. I am loving this 36 yr. old in a “Somewhere in Time” kinda way.
That’s a terribly sad film, but I get what you mean.
Regardless of how things turn out with the suspiciously named “Thomas”, I truly hope she finds some companionship with all of her little friends. Especially the fleas.
At first I also thought this diary had to be faked. “Try a beer.” “Pray for World Peace.” Good stuff.
laughing
My search for the best metaphor for cat anus can now be put to rest. Dim sum, anyone?
It does seem to taste a little different now, doesn’t it?
Whether about cats or nostalgia, lotsa interesting bits here … and I used to like wonton soup.
This is my favourite post ever.
Ever.
Good.
I laughed. I cried. It was better than…ahem.
But seriously, mad giggles.
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Bestest. Thing. Evar. I have sent this to a ton of friends. Also, she’s 36?!
That’s the kind of free advertising that I love to hear about.
Well, according to this journal, she would be fifty-eight (so 36 in 1988). Does that age hold a special significance for you?
No, I just entered the realm of the 30s last year. I just meant that her mental age seemed more like 20. Or even 14.
That doesn’t seem all that abnormal.
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Haha! I guess I have lots to learn in terms of not overestimating someone’s biological age with their mental age.
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Jeez. I am astounded. If I thought my life was banal….
I think it’s important that you launch a national search for this woman. Otherwise I would love to collaborate to turn this thing into a full fledged novel. I have laughed out loud about 10 times for this post alone.
Um you’re kidding me, right? This stuff cannot be made up. Hys-freakin-sterical!
Oh my goodness… I need to find a used bookstore right now. Words cannot express… and I so want to hear more. I don’t even know what to say…
This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. I’m trying desperately to control my fits of laughter as I’m currently sharing a dorm with four people who may not appreciate fits of giggles at 12.30 in the morning.
I think I <3 your blog :) I am so glad that I found you through Freshly Pressed.
Me too.
Priceless.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post more entries! I’m totally intriqued by this woman and need to know more about her daily existence. I just LOVE all the 80’s pop culture references!
Thanks!
*wiping the tears from my eyes* This. Is. The. Best.
this can’t be real….can it???
This is hilarious! “Pray for world peace” – is this dairy for real???
great project!
greetings by
http://flickrcomments.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/cat-personalities/
Did she seriously write “Damn Skippy” as an excied reponse? I am SOOOOO stealing that phrase! Damn Skippy I am happy to have a new way to react to things I love! I. Am. Crying.
Please don’t. I’m pretty certain that only the worst of society uses “Damn Skippy” in normal language.
I’m glad you’re enjoying the journal though.
omg ahha, this is great!!
haha, what a legend – “try a beer”, getting a bit adventurous there!
omg this is gold!!!
i love it! what an awesome find, good for you :)
shit, now I’m not going to get any assignments written today while I read this…..is it wrong that this is the sort of stuff that just makes my life complete? (see also Prince Philip’s latest faux pas, he’s so wrong he’s right). I just want to point out that I am not a crazy cat lady person, but, you won’t believe this, ‘Domino’s bath’ is on my calendar RIGHT NOW. I mean seriously, what are the chances?! My Domino is a dog who at times seems to think she is a cat, so maybe she still counts – plus she is a she, that we thought was a he, and her three weeks of gender confusion may count towards dopleganger status as well. Is it just me or do the two cats on the first page look a bit, well, shall we say, smutty? ‘Try a beer’???!!! yes, why not, go on, live a little, I mean it could be worse, this was the decade that brought us crack cocaine and ecstasy tablets after all. Wonder Years Premiere, now I feel really old ffs, as old as, it would seem, Cat Diary Lady.
Reblogged this on wordswithnannaprawn and commented:
Best thing I have read not just this week, but all semester.
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Brilliant!! I’m hooked after only one episode! We
Pussycats attract the strangest people,
But the main thing is, as long as they love us, we really don’t mind.
Reblogged this on Confessions of a Cat Woman and commented:
Catwomen and …. strays.
Peruse this at your leisure and understand where the term crazy cat lady comes from.
Fabulous.
Reblogged this on The Theory of Stevolution.
Gosh I loved this, it’s great!
Reblogged this on The Story Store.
Mind
Blown
Holy F#*+Bunnies.
Being a used bookstore/library sale hound, I cannot possibly express my jealousy at this moment.
I LOVE Cats!!!
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