This is the penultimate installment of a bizarre diary within a used book that I found hidden among the stacks of an old defunct library. It was procured, along with a slew of other junk books, for just a few dollars. It contains the interesting testimony of a cat obsessed and socially inept woman living in 1988. At the time of this posting, I am using the information inside to look for her, while also sharing some of the more outrageous entries with the general public. If people continue to become interested in her story, and I eventually locate her, I might try to contact her for an interview or just get a photo together. I have several promising leads but nothing concrete yet. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
If you are new to this series, or need a refresher course, I must insist that you preface this reading with some of the earlier entries at The Cat Lover’s Diary.
You Monsters Are People. 
I have no idea why I like keeping up with this – maybe it’s just too weird not to :)
Maybe you’re just too weird not to.
You’re absolutely right :)
I have been awaiting this latest in the installment, but then again, at the same time, I just find that I need a really stiff drink before reading it. And…I don’t have a stiff drink.
But, I suppose after enough Miller Lites, I might be able to do it. Time will tell.
Miller will work in a pinch.
I totally owned that book, but always forgot to write anything in it except homework assignments!
No intensely embarrassing personal accounts?
This is the literally the funniest thing that I have read in months. :)
Months? I have a whole blog for you to go through. See if you can’t broaden your comedy horizons.
I’d like to hear about your being overcome with laughter on a more regular basis.
Oh, yay! I was wondering when another of these will be out. This one is definitely entertaining. Oh man.
I am sorry to say that it is almost over, though. We’ve only got a few more pages of interesting stuff left. The rest is all weird notes and boring stuff about the cats’ diet and health history.
I read penultimate and I knew that it was ending soon. My sadface is on. That’s alright though, it’s been wonderful. I hope you can wind up finding her! That would be interesting to say the very least. After reading all these entries, I do wonder what she would be like now.
Based on how frequently she references fast food, I’m betting on her being dead. However, I’m hoping to be surprised.
Awesome.
And now I’m never eating at a Wendy’s again.
I, frankly, miss the Super Bar at Wendy’s. If I recall correctly you could make your own tacos and chilli. I think it even had pizza.
The Super Bar was pretty awesome.
Holy snap. Cat Lady got laid. I guess this gives everyone hope. I hope Marv LaVarve was amazing. He seems a bit creepy though, not the kind of guy I would take home to my cats. Then again, I hate cats and I would totally invite a creeper over to ‘meet’ my cats in the hope that he extinguishes its pathetic feline existance. This series just solidifies my feelings about cats and cat lovers.
Everyone needs to get laid once in a while and most people should be fortunate enough to enjoy it on a regular basis.
I don’t understand how you, or anybody, could truly hate cats. Sure, some of them can be downright awful but I’m not routinely impressed by dogs either. I think both animals offer distinctive perks and drawbacks. I’ve had a lot of experience with both and, for me, it all comes down to the individual animal’s personality.
However you are still entitled to prepare for the forthcoming war between cat lovers and dog lovers. Just come back to me safe and sound once it is over.
Oh, I don’t actively hate cats. Okay, maybe I do. But I am not inhumane to them. (If you are a cat-lover, Posky, you might want to give my blog “Cats, Bats, and Gym Rats” a miss. But you might also enjoy it. LOL)
I would like to venture that Cat Lover’s one-night romp in the closed bar led to an oopsy pregnancy and that she is happy with her baby and gets rid of her cats because of her fear of toxoplasmosis. I cannot wait to read the final chapter.
heroin baby. As always, hilarious.
Heroin baby. As always, thank you.
You have no idea how badly I needed to read this tonight, I’m in assignment hell with three essays due and anyone who actually uses diarrhoea as an excuse to get out of a threesome is infinitely more attention grabbing than the other shit I’m having to read right now……God please let her be real, still alive and like some mad cat lady woman like in Men In Black with a whole shopping trolley full of “Grand Champions”…..but…. Marve La Varve??!!! my sceptical radar is telling me that name is just too good to be true :)
My best guess is that it’s an alias. I’ve heard some pretty great names in the past though. I once met two guys who told me their names were Duff Fluff and Mr. Nice Nice. I also have a friend who has a dentist with the name Gregory Legg (aka Greg Legg). It seems sort of unfair that he didn’t go into being a… leg… doctor…. if that’s a real thing.
I’m so sad to see this as the penultimate installment. This woman’s diary is the greatest book ever. I hope that the stars align, and one day, you find its sequel.
I think I’d probably have to do an insane amount of leg work to make that happen.
That’s true. But did you hear about that story in the news about that kid who went to a garage sale and bought an old Polaroid camera? He got home and found a picture of his deceased uncle stuck inside!
http://articles.latimes.com/2012/may/28/nation/la-na-old-camera-surprise-20120528
What are the odds of that! So you never know. You might come across the sequel ;-)
All good things must end I suppose. Wait, what about Heaven? Isn’t that good and eternal?
They need to make these diaries bigger so someone else’s train wreck of a life might make me look like the Little Engine the Could!
Also I’m with you on bringing back the super bar…and possibly embracing the political philosophy from above, ah hell, what else ya got? I’m game.
Great read! ~Regards, Dan
“…he spent most of the date telling racist jokes and over half of them weren’t even funny. Some were mean.” ~ I’m glad she thought only “some” of them were mean…not all…just some.
Thanks for this post, Posky….you know I love a good Cat Diary.
My, oh my. I drove my hubby out of bed and onto the couch with all the muffled chuckling I was doing as I read through the whole series late tonight. Best laughs I’ve had all week. You (aka, crazy cat lady?) are hysterical. And that character would’ve been perfect for a reality TV show, had they existed in ’88.
Are you sure you want to find her, Posky? What if it ends up you’re related? Or you’ve dated one of her offspring? Would you really want to know?!
On another note, the little typewritten blurbs in the book are almost as disturbing as diary of the cat lady.
There is always something lurking between the lines. Of course that’s what makes it interesting…
I love this website. It always makes me laugh, also I want to know who this is too. Is she still with Marv? Do they have a slew of only funny racist jokes? Did Domino’s ear infection heal? This is like the ending of an “Arrested Development” episode…
Oh my… I thought when you said penultimate you would be exaggerating… I feel like I should say something… but words completely escape me… and that is a very rare occurrence…
Hahaha! I can’t believe you got this for 20 cents. Where did you purchase this? It’s so absurd you’d think half the stuff to be unreal (a rose with a jar of hair)- or she just lives in a horrible neighborhood with loads of weridos. I love this book though; I’m waiting for the next submission! :)
Katie
http://katieraspberry.wordpress.com/
Cats. cats. cats. ;3 I super duper love them. And I love this post <3
Hmm. She wanted Reagan to have a 3rd term in office. Didn’t see that one coming. Until after reading about the Wendy’s Super Bar incident … Guess Marv musta been pretty high up there in the Wendy’s chain of command.
Gosh, I wish I could be of help somehow in your search to find this lady. It’s pretty hard to imagine that anyone would fess up to this kind of stone immaculate insanity, but then, it was the ’80s after all, the hangover resulting from the ’70s.