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MOST BELOVED STORIES AND COMICS
- When To Hug Someone: Life's Greatest Mystery
- Falsus Corpus: Thoughts About Women's Stupid Bodies
- Getting Old: The Side Effect of Aging
- The Apex of Cuisine: When Too Far Isn't Far Enough
- Ghost Dogs and the New American Job Market
- Epidermal Ornateness and Absurd Discord
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- Heartache in the Absence of Love and then, Eventually, the Other.
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Category Archives: stories
You Monsters Are People of New York PART TWO (Still Not Copying HONY, Totally Original)
If the internet has taught me anything, it’s that the repetition of a lazy idea is key to its success. Last week’s posting, where I was inspired by (but in no way directly imitating or satirizing) Humans of New York, … Continue reading →
An Apology To People Who Hate Reading
Last week I wrote the scariest story ever told for everyone’s Halloween enjoyment. While it received plenty of accolades and is currently being made into an audiobook, some of my fans complained that it was too long for them to … Continue reading →
Posted in america, comics, Current Events, Dark Humor, halloween, humor, Internet Culture, stories
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Tagged an apology, eat shit, internet culture is garbage, lazy people, people who hate reading, readers
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28 Comments
A Fond Look Back: Vomit And Strip Clubs
My first time at a strip club was when I was seventeen. My friend’s older brother was a DJ for such an establishment and thought it would be an important passage into manhood for us. I had previously been in … Continue reading →
Posted in Dark Humor, friendship, history, humor, Life, religion, stories, true stories
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Tagged bad times, brothers, drinking, friends, high school, looking back, shame, strip clubs
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9 Comments
Some Anti-Vaxxer I Know Gave Birth To A Mutant
In a country where a television network previously called The Learning Channel can have a programming lineup filled with shows about about fat illiterate families that yell all the time and people who didn’t even know they were pregnant, it … Continue reading →
Posted in america, Current Events, Dark Humor, humor, Life, science, society, stories, true stories
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Tagged anti-intellectualism, anti-vaccination movement, deformities, health, I made two drawings with bulging veins, I really hope this baby has an okay life, idiocy in America, parenting, ugly babies
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27 Comments
Human Cheese: Not for the Common Man
After a brief surge in popularity a few years ago, cheese made from human milk sort of vanished from existence. While marginally curious, I assumed that I would never encounter it in my lifetime. I must have read a dozen … Continue reading →
Posted in animals, art, Dark Humor, Life, pets, society, stories, web comics
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Tagged art I guess, art scene, breast milk cheese, brooklyn, foodies, human cheese, new york, rich people problems
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22 Comments
Avian Action Almost Spoiled My Sunday Morning
As an adult your opportunities to participate in sleepovers diminish slowly over time. I am not sure if it has something to do with an unwillingness to sleep anywhere other than your own bed or if other people just don’t … Continue reading →
Posted in animals, Current Events, friendship, humor, Life, science, stories, true stories, Uncategorized
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Tagged australia, avian, birds having sex, brooklyn, friendship, pigeons, sleepovers, slumber parties
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24 Comments
Snowed In
I am currently sitting out a blizzard in my home state of Michigan. Everyone in it went shopping for the same thing yesterday. Now all the only thing left on the shelves is fear and hopelessness.
Posted in Current Events, Dark Humor, society, stories, true stories, Uncategorized, web comics
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Tagged cold weather, extended holidays, family, michigan, panic shopping, snow, snow day, Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, visiting home
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23 Comments
Having A Live-In Dominatrix Was Electrifyingly Dull
I used to live with a dominatrix. Obviously that comes with certain compromises and perks that other living arrangements might not have. I was in the middle of my college career and had been dating her best friend for several … Continue reading →
Posted in college, comics, Dark Humor, friendship, humor, Life, motorcycles, society, stories, true stories, web comics, Webcomics
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Tagged Bevins, chains, dominatrix, forehead tattoos, Mr. Bevins, roommates, s&m, sex workers, short posts, whips
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35 Comments
When Good Times Aren’t Great: It’s Easier to Blame the Drugs Than the Man
At no point during my existence on this planet have I ever forged a meaningful relationship with a person I’ve met while smoking cannabis. There is nothing about that experience that makes you want to suddenly share all of yourself … Continue reading →
Posted in art, Dark Humor, friendship, humor, Life, musings, society, stories, true stories
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Tagged canabis, gentle drug use, manhattan, marijuana, perception, pizza and cartoons, trival
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31 Comments
Unsolved Mysteries: A Misnomer
When I was a child the scariest thing on television was Unsolved Mysteries. Each week Robert Stack came into our homes for forty-four minutes to explain murders and rapes in brutal detail with the help of “dramatic reenactments” before letting … Continue reading →
You Monsters Are People. 