Transition, or photochromic, lenses seem to be custom made to make every person look sketchy. You can make dozens of good cases for wearing photochromic lenses. Since they alleviate the need for sunglasses, they save you both money and space while offering you peace of mind. On the other hand, they remove all of your credibility by making you look like the least classy sex-offender in your neighborhood. I once worked with an adult human who told me he had a plan to rob a bank using dirt-bikes and smoke-bombs to “confuse the police.” That’s the plan of a disturbed eleven-year-old and, guess what, he wore transition lenses. The racist lady at the bank wears transition lenses. They guy who co-owns the liquor store wears transition lenses. Jeffrey Dahmer wore transition lenses, you can google image him if you don’t believe me.
There is just something off-putting about slightly tinted lenses. On an overcast day, you’re going to look like the sort of person who spends every afternoon in a bowling alley not bowling. Partially tinted lenses simultaneously block UV rays from coming in and virtuousness from going out. I have known and loved people with transition lenses but I can’t help but feel like I would have loved them more if they had been wearing regular glasses.
When I was in middle school, my father was mistakenly given transition lenses and he had to wear them for three full months. While I never saw it myself, I’m pretty sure I could hear him crying through the walls of our house. This is how I became a man.
Listen, it isn’t even in style anymore, the seventies are over. I only want the very best for everyone. I want us to believe in ourselves, achieve our dreams and enjoy the bizarre nature of the world. If you have a legitimate reason to always shield your eyes from light, just wear sunglasses. It’s cooler and everyone will assume you are a famous actor or artist. Transition lenses are subtly scaring and upsetting the people you love. If you know someone who has fallen victim to their curse, please have a much needed talk with them.