The Photochromic Plague: A Plea for Sanity

Transition, or photochromic, lenses seem to be custom made to make every person look sketchy.  You can make dozens of good cases for wearing photochromic lenses.  Since they alleviate the need for sunglasses, they save you both money and space while offering you peace of mind.  On the other hand, they remove all of your credibility by making you look like the least classy sex-offender in your neighborhood.  I once worked with an adult human who told me he had a plan to rob a bank using dirt-bikes and smoke-bombs to “confuse the police.”  That’s the plan of a disturbed eleven-year-old and, guess what, he wore transition lenses.  The racist lady at the bank wears transition lenses.  They guy who co-owns the liquor store wears transition lenses.  Jeffrey Dahmer wore transition lenses, you can google image him if you don’t believe me.

There is just something off-putting about slightly tinted lenses.  On an overcast day, you’re going to look like the sort of person who spends every afternoon in a bowling alley not bowling.  Partially tinted lenses simultaneously block UV rays from coming in and virtuousness from going out.  I have known and loved people with transition lenses but I can’t help but feel like I would have loved them more if they had been wearing regular glasses.

When I was in middle school, my father was mistakenly given transition lenses and he had to wear them for three full months.  While I never saw it myself, I’m pretty sure I could hear him crying through the walls of our house.  This is how I became a man.

Listen, it isn’t even in style anymore, the seventies are over.  I only want the very best for everyone.  I want us to believe in ourselves, achieve our dreams and enjoy the bizarre nature of the world.  If you have a legitimate reason to always shield your eyes from light, just wear sunglasses.  It’s cooler and everyone will assume you are a famous actor or artist.  Transition lenses are subtly scaring and upsetting the people you love.  If you know someone who has fallen victim to their curse, please have a much needed talk with them.

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23 Responses to The Photochromic Plague: A Plea for Sanity

  1. Brian says:

    It’s amazing how many good search results you get if you google “paedophiles in transition lenses”

  2. nrhatch says:

    I had “Consider Transitional Lenses” on my To Do list.

    After reading this informative post, I crossed that item off my list . . . leaving only 737 items until my “In Box” is empty. Thank you for this important P.S.A., Posky. ;)

  3. My husband wore transitions for the last 5 years, but he just switched to the really cool sunglasses–mirrored (thank God!)

  4. Cindy says:

    Thanks to your eloquence on the subject, I can just mail the link to your post to any transition-lens-offenders. Thanks :)

  5. Kayti says:

    I had transition lenses in middle school. My mom made me get them. She’s dumb. Luckily those were the of glasses I lost within 1 month of having them.

  6. comingeast says:

    OMG! I have three pair of transition glasses. Am I a loser three times over? I’m do for new glasses and I will definitely go straight this time. I hope the damage to my reputation isn’t irreversible!

  7. comingeast says:

    Whoops! I meant due, not do! I’m a grammar nut, so that mistake drove me nuts.

  8. I hate to be a serial-commenter on certain blogs, but this one really struck a chord with me. It’s not so much the way transition lenses look outside; I just can’t stand the way they look when people come inside. Some Hollywood marriages have taken less time to end than transition lenses take to “get back to normal” when someone comes inside. And the whole time, the wearer looks ridiculous. I’d rather see people wear those “old-people” shades that cover their entire glasses and half their face. If the model in the “transition-lenses” ads would stop by, tear off everything except her glasses, and tell me to have my way with her, I’d make her wait till the glasses went back to normal. Then we’d go in the other room.

  9. libraryscene says:

    i shall soon invest in transitional lenses…life’s goal: to be considered ‘sketchy’, cheers~

  10. The Single Girl says:

    Hahaha my dad has the transition lenses…I’m always more than a little confused when he’s in the house and they’re still dark…”…but you’re inside!”

  11. I find transition lenses cool but it kinda gives a very geeky smart look… Prefer sunglasses for now.. Many thanks for your comments on my blog.. Take care…

  12. artreviewed says:

    Lol! Transition lenses kind of creep me out. Especially when somone on the bus is wearing a pair and sits right behind me, I can’t relax for the whole journey! So uncool!

  13. milieus says:

    I thought I was the only one creeped out by them! I’m glad I’m not alone.

    -Milieu

  14. Meg says:

    Okay but as a person who wears eyeglasses that cost well in excess of 500$ a pair, there is a certain economy in not having to buy two pairs of glasses. I have one pair of transition lenses, I wear them as sunglasses, but I also wear them as everyday glasses. I know I am sorry, I promise I am neither a pedophile or a creeper, or wait maybe….

    I always say pedophiles and creepers wear BIG glasses, why on earth does anyone need glasses that go midway down the cheek? What is that all about anyway?

  15. sleepyjane says:

    My mom had a pair but she wore them for like, a week, because of how long it takes for them to get back to ‘normal’.

    It was a strange week.

  16. I do seem to recall that strange period in spectacle (not spectacular) fashion.

    Not good. Really not good.

    (But I like that t-shirt.)

  17. big no to transition lens!

  18. Byron Mosley says:

    As I get older, I’ve noticed that I keep developing creeper habits just out of the humor it provides for me. Mustaches. Huge mirror shades. A dead pan stare. I would wear transition lenses just to make some people uncomfortable; and all just for my personal amusement.

  19. crch2011 says:

    Haha…my grandmother wears transitions.

  20. TikkTok says:

    Hey! I’ve got them! Will I get them on my next pair? Dunno. Have to evaluate.

    And the kicker is- I still wear sunglasses over them because while I supposedly got “the darkest available” they are not nearly dark enough.

    I’m not a pedophile either, but I do fall into the “crazy chicken lady” category, fwiw….

  21. Pingback: The Photochromic Plague: A Plea for Sanity | Glasses

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