Category Archives: Current Events

Doomsday For America: You May Have Missed It

A cell phone sounds off at eight-thirty to notify Donald Trump that his helicopter has arrived atop his building. The man himself slowly shuffles around the three story penthouse apartment, decorated primarily in gold and marble, while habitually clearing his … Continue reading

Posted in america, Current Events, Dark Humor, dreams, humor, politics, society, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Secret Project

I have not been posting at my normal frequency due to a secret project that has taken up much of extra my time. But it is almost over so you can stop complaining to your friends about how some weird downbeat website, … Continue reading

Posted in art, Current Events, Dark Humor, dreams, humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

This Is What School Lunches Look Like In America [100% Real]

A friend of mine shared an article with me that showcased how much better the rest of the world’s kids have it than the ones in America when it comes to food. It’s a well known fact that the school lunches … Continue reading

Posted in america, Current Events, Dark Humor, history, humor, Internet Culture, Life, society | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Hang In There, Everybody.

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My New Mom Is A Computer

Like many of you, I was born of a human mother made of soft pink flesh and electric impulses wrapped up in skin and topped with hair. She was a kindly woman and my father loved her dearly for all … Continue reading

Posted in Current Events, Dark Humor, humor, Life, science, society, true stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

The Police Are Not Animals*

I’ve heard that the best strategy when dealing with the police is to “remain silent and stand still.” That’s the kind of advice you’d give someone to avoid being attacked by a bear. The police aren’t killer sharks or poisonous … Continue reading

Posted in america, animals, Current Events, Dark Humor, history, politics, society | Tagged , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Become A Billionaire Before Black Friday!

The other day I was eating a money-themed candy bar and thought to myself, “I’m not going to have enough cash to buy people Christmas gifts again.” I usually try to convince myself that the holidays are all about spending … Continue reading

Posted in america, Current Events, Dark Humor, humor, Life, society | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

An Apology To People Who Hate Reading

Last week I wrote the scariest story ever told for everyone’s Halloween enjoyment. While it received plenty of accolades and is currently being made into an audiobook, some of my fans complained that it was too long for them to … Continue reading

Posted in america, comics, Current Events, Dark Humor, halloween, humor, Internet Culture, stories | Tagged , , , , , | 28 Comments

These 15 Photos Of Cosplayers Revealing That They Aren’t Unemployed Virgins Or Child Molesters “Might Blow Your Mind”

A popular internet content aggregator asked some of the “best cosplayers of New York Comic Con” to reveal what they did with their days and none of them confessed to jerking off to anime and steampunk all day or spending … Continue reading

Posted in america, art, comics, Current Events, Dark Humor, humor, Internet Culture, society, style | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The Nexus Of Magic: A Real Place I Walked To

The other day I visited the most magical place in the world by accident. It exists at sunset between the Triborough and Hell Gate Bridges in the northern most tip of Queens, New York. There, decades of broken glass litter … Continue reading

Posted in america, Current Events, friendship, Life, true stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments