If you’re anything like me, you’ve been thinking a lot about pregnant women. It is actually pretty unavoidable what with all the rampant pregnancy on, and offline, right now. It’s sort of hard to know what to do with it. I love children but don’t always know what to do with babies or the people about to have them. This is, of course, entirely dependent upon our relationship with the mother to be, so it’s hard to take a stand on the phenomenon of documenting a pregnancy online. We all seem to be fluxing between the most sincere congratulations and quiet underwhelming disgust. I do not entirely understand what possesses a person to photograph themselves becoming progressively fuller of baby meat. It sort of reminds me of a middle school science project about plant growth. It’s still pretty interesting, but also a little redundant. We all know what to expect. Very rarely do we see a series of pregnancy photos where the expectant mother suddenly starts to mysteriously slim down, change color or speak in tongues and, if they do, it’s normally very bad news. So the best we can hope for is business as usual. Despite every single person’s deepest desires, we all know that a swelling gut isn’t going to pay off with a hilarious explosion, glitter and a parachuting infant. Childbirth is, unquestionably, horrifyingly magical. Anyone who has seen one mammal exit another and take its first few breaths of air usually ends up a little awestruck. However the months leading up to it are pretty boring, unless you’re the one with a tiny person lounging around inside of you.
What I would really like to see is someone go that extra mile and document the pregnancy from conception to excretion. That would help to make up for the dull bits that we always get to see. I support people sharing sonograms, but fourteen dozen photographs taken in front of the mirror with your shirt pulled up just seems like something to do when you’re really bored. Honestly, it doesn’t seem fair to showcase a growing belly and then not show the aftermath. Some people miraculously seem to come off undamaged though and I get genuinely curious. But I’d love to see that photo where she’s in the same pose and the stomach looks like a stained deflated basketball.