Unpretentious Devotion: Romantic Advice from Dogs

If you lay down in the prone position before establishing a dominant relationship with a dog, there is a good chance that he’s going to hump you regardless of your preference on the matter.  Dogs do not overanalyze relationships.  In their mind, everyone is fair game until it is proven too troublesome or dangerous.  While it lacks the subtle and romantic nature of some human relationships, there is something to be learned here.  Obviously the love of a dog cannot entirely replace that of a person (legally, or otherwise).  I am just saying that I have never heard of a dog leaving someone because they didn’t make enough money or got old and fat.  Humans have the unique ability to turn a relatively simple concept into an unspeakable imbroglio.  This pays off when applied to the arts but is rarely beneficial within the boundaries of a relationship unless you are the sort of person that thrives on drama.  I love adventure but, like a dog, relationships should be purposeful and easy to understand.

A friend of mine recently told me that it is innate for a woman who has dumped a man to still be jealous of his new girlfriend.  If she had replaced, “innate” with “mentally unsound” I would have agreed wholeheartedly.  There just seems to be something wrong about ending a relationship and remaining territorial about a person you are not planning on resuming a relationship with.  That would be like if I threw away half of a sandwich that I didn’t want and then got upset that a homeless person picked it out of the trash.  What kind of logic is that?  What type of person wants something they threw away?  It’s, quite literally, out of my hands so why should I care if someone else wants to eat it?  Equally bizarre is the increasingly large number of acquaintances that are telling me that they are having difficulties maintaining a relationship.  Too many people have come up to me and said, “I worry that I am losing them but I don’t know what to do.”

Whether you use appeal or intimidation, there are really only two ways to keep a romantic partner.  A person is going to be with you because they either want to be or because they are afraid to be without you.  Now I’m not suggesting that you start beating your spouse if you notice the relationship going sour but that does appear to be a fairly popular option within certain demographics.  I just think that it is strange that we put such a strong emphasis on a particular person and then have such a difficult time keeping them in our lives.

I’m not convinced that it all comes down to hormones, genes and menstrual cycles.  Sure, like most people, I try to find a woman who is ovulating non-stop but even that can’t fix everything.  There are just too many things about love that are impossible to account for, especially at the very beginning and end of a relationship.

While we are on the subject, I recently finished a short film that I can quite easily segue into.  The subject matter is very much related.  It’s about one headstrong and curious woman’s ingress into what very well might be a romantic faux pas and is called Digital Romance.

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22 Responses to Unpretentious Devotion: Romantic Advice from Dogs

  1. lunargirl says:


    I have missed your posting. I agree that people are just damn crazy and that’s all there really is to it.

    Nice post, and so timely. I needed that grin, dammit!


  2. sort of a new york culture-flare to this religion. nice writing. funny as ever. drawings equally huorous. i can’t shake my own self though and stop from saying, take care of yourself, your own person and there will be more in a relationship to love and be loved with. however, i know that’s not all there is. blessings mr romance.

    • Posky says:

      I’ve had a lot of romance in my life and probably less to complain about than most. Maybe that’s why it is a reoccurring theme in my posts.

  3. I like imbroglio. Touch of garlic and bit of Parmesan cheese. I think relationship requires compromise and partnership. But if it becomes a task or chore to keep it, it’s time to take the bus, Gus. A tense uncomfortability is a sign of an evaporation of meaningful and mutual intimacy. The video was very broken up. Was that an intent? Perhaps to characterize the intermittent nature of relationships as we navigate through the digital technopolis of today’s living? That they are fated to be interrupted? Is there no permanence and the status quo is no status quo? Or will you fire the tech guy? Red bow tie has got to go what ever that symbolizes.

  4. David says:

    The real question, Mr. Posky, is why does the heart want what the heart wants when the brain is yelling ARE YOU F*&#ING CRAZY?!?! at the top of its lungs?

    Dog has luxuriously small brain not yelling such crap. Dog’s life is beautiful. Simple is the agreement of domestication. Wag tail, lick feet, and bowl fills with kibble.

    Your film was a hoot! When is the baby due?

  5. David says:

    oops not sure why this comment posted twice … please delete 2nd instance. Thanks!

  6. “Obviously the love of a dog cannot entirely replace that of a person (legally, or otherwise). ”

    This made me laugh. Thank you for that.

  7. nrhatch says:

    Interesting questions: “That would be like if I threw away half of a sandwich that I didn’t want and then got upset that a homeless person picked it out of the trash. What kind of logic is that? What type of person wants something they threw away?”

    My working hypothesis:

    X threw away a tuna sandwich because it refused to change into a roast beef sandwich to please her. X hoped that the tuna sandwich would be so bereft at losing her that it would agree to change into a roast beef sandwich.

    Y (a homeless and homely gal) comes walking along and fishes the tuna sandwich out of the trash BEFORE the tuna sandwich has a chance to miss X or start making the necessary changes.

    X sees Y’s budding relationship with HER tuna sandwich and slaps the sandwich in a jealous rage and starts screaming, “Mine. Mine. Mine.”

    Y looks at X and says, “Oh, no, you don’t girlfriend. He’s my tuna now.”

    Plausible, no? :)

  8. Cindy says:

    Crazy. Too much to think about, going to take my dog for a walk now.

  9. Great post, Posky. You were missed. Here’s another take on the sandwich thing: Often, when A breaks up with B, it’s not like she goes from 100% love to zero. There is internal conflict, and some/many of the feelings remain. So, when A sees that B is now involved with C, all of those conflicted feelings come to the surface. Sometimes, that manifests as jealousy or anger over A’s new relationship. I could write more but I am saving it in the event Dr Phil calls me to be a guest on his show. You take care, and be kind to yourself.

    • Posky says:

      Done and done.

      What you said makes sense but doesn’t make the situation seem entirely sane. Maybe that is just human nature.

  10. Sherri says:

    Since no other woman commented on the question of why “we” want a man after having dumped him, I’m going to throw in my opinion. Sure, I’ve been the dumper and dumpee.

    I think what women wonder about more than actually wanting the man back, is the burning question… “Oh my God, Did he change for her?” Why is she getting all the benefits?” “Why couldn’t he change for me?” I’ve learned over the years, people don’t don’t really change. And if they do, it’s a long process of changing behaviors and ways of thinking. Take an alcoholic or any addict for example. It’s a process, of admitting your addiction and surrendering. Getting help, maybe relapsing (triggers, uncontrollable impulses lead to old behaviors), getting more help, and exchanging old behaviors out with new ones,( a new obsession with painting or music) until the new becomes the old way of life.

  11. Byron Mosley says:

    Imagine how boring relationships would be if they were as simple as animals. Pass. I’ll take crazy women and drama over some grim physical display of the life process any day.
    (Should be noted that I would like a healthy amalgamation of the two extremes).

  12. I am incredibly happy you are back. Hormones, genes, or menstrual cycle, it has brought a tear to my eye.


  13. Part of this insanity entails the word “Change” –Oh someone likes the pretty package but not what’s inside and desires to substitute the contents like they’re a side dish on a menu. IF people accepted each other as they were–careful now–because this means making the effort to get to know the other person–then this desire to get them to be other than they are aka CHANGE them, might be less of an issue. Oh hey, let’s genetically engineer the lover we desire most and then we won’t be disappointed with the parts that toe our lines.
    And there’s this really weird thing called “unconditional love.” Yep, this involves accpetance. The perfect package with all the perfect contents is improbably. Oh but look at this — lots of important things are in evidence. OOO these are very important qualities that balance out those flaws/lacks/disappointments. Okay–there’s more plus than minus so I think I will ‘buy’ this model for the long term. Or not. Perhaps people suck at relationships because they suck at being whole people. I can honestly say that the only sane non-dysfunctional people I’ve known are dead. Literally, they’re all dead. They were of another generation. They valued honesty, love, loyalty, intergrity etc–getting the idea? If people took care of their baggage before getting into relationships everyone might be better off. Bring your baggage and guess what happens when you wear the contents……
    Oh yes, dogs–and cats–and unconditional simple ‘love’ humping. Got my kibbles and bits from your hand and I adore you for it. Damn simple. Why can’t humans be more like dogs?????

  14. Catherine says:

    This post really resonated with me. I hate to say, but I’m one of those that ends a relationship and then is bothered when the other person moves on. I understand your sandwich analogy… but I’m not sure I’m quite ready to accept it. At least I know I’m unhealthy, right? haha

  15. Brian says:

    I’m with Byron on this. Give me the whole enchilada and even a small measure of crazy on the side. Crazy is the spice of life. It takes complex interactions to distingiush human relationships. I’ll take those ups and downs over humping a leg any day.

  16. nursemyra says:

    Is that video portraying the way of sex in the future…… oh no!

  17. bellemedland says:

    Love this post. Being only the second of yours I have read, it would seem you have the ability to make me laugh, and I intend now to read your previous posts.
    Further comments to follow on these posts, I am sure ;-)

    Have I really just used the word post(s) three times in one paragraph?

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